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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Future MIL is a pain

17 replies

Smurfgirl · 22/10/2006 19:45

I am finding her increasingly difficult, she has been extremely rude to my parents and gets extremely worked up over very very petty things. My dad helped us move into our house and he brought some bottled water with him for us to have at lunch (our water is rank) she point blank refused to drink it and made a big point of drinking the tap water. She actually cried in Asda once because we forgot to use the bags she had brought. She is very narrow minded and if you disagree or do not fit in with her POV she gets very obsinate.

And the wedding. God.
On Thursday DF's parents came over for a meal and we went to the pub. On the way there df's dad joked that they would buy me a subscription to a wedding magazine for Christmas and she said sniffy 'not likely.'
It was the first time we had seen them since we booked the wedding so over the meal I was explaining about the reception venue and mentioned that the rooms were quite reasonable (£90 for a double) and we hoped the immediate wedding party would stay there. She then gave me such a dirty look and said that SHE would hire somewhere for everyone to stay, because they could not jusify the cost.

She blatently sees our wedding as too much and a big waste of money and she dislikes frivilous spending. But it is being paid for by us and MY parents (who are not getting into debt or anythign silly over it) so I find her rudeness about it very difficult. She has not once shown any happiness or excitement about our wedding and its not the marriage she objects to, its the actual party.

I am just finding her harder and harder to deal with. DF's dad is lovely and very supportive. I am also the one behind my DF who helped motivate him to get a better job, who pays a lot of the bills, who encourages him to ring home, visit home more. But none of this is noticed, she just seems intend on tutting at me for my horrible materialism.

OP posts:
HumphreyComfrey · 22/10/2006 19:47

Ah Smurfgirl, but you're the evil woman that's luring her baby boy away from his momma!

HumphreyComfrey · 22/10/2006 19:50

My MIL is a complete pain in the arse, frankly.

She got worse and worse until DH finally stood up to her.

Then she sulked and didn't talk to us for three months.

It was bliss!

Tommy · 22/10/2006 19:50

Welcome to married life.....

I'm afraid that you will just have to tolerate her and try to ignore her comments (very hard I know).

Keep hold of the great relationship you have with FIL.

Hang in there - there will be about a hundred MNetters here in a minute telling you about their evil MILs as well!!

Smurfgirl · 22/10/2006 19:52

she is just so obsitnate. And I can see her being just like it when we have children 'you bought them NEW clothes etc.'

Oh and we are having a big country house wedding for a big part because her darling son wants it, far more than me tbh.

OP posts:
beckybraAAARGHstraps · 22/10/2006 19:53

Smile and nod, nod and smile....

Smurfgirl · 22/10/2006 19:53

Humfrey - before me he never went home or rang, I am the bloody one taking time off work (and making him book the time off) so we can go and see her on her birthday, I am the one making dp take time off after christmas so we can go and see them then!

OP posts:
AlfredAitchcock · 22/10/2006 19:55

oh do you know what? i can;t be bothered telling you all the petty and stupid and downright nasty comments my MIL has made. she's an idiot, and so is your MIL. you just have to ignore it.
actually after one particularly wicked thing i just stopped making the effort to push dh into phoning her etc, so they had a big fight and they aren't speaking. i'm sure i'm getting hte blame but i don't care, i've got peace.

CreepyCrawlyCarmenere · 22/10/2006 19:56

Sounds like your dp had the right idea by keeping his distance

Judy1234 · 22/10/2006 19:56

ut it's entirely possible to arrange things so you don't see much of her. To do that you need importatnt decisions taken with her son now that he is prepared to stick to, like you will visit her once a month only; she will not have a key etc etc By those means these things can easily be borne but it requires him to effect the distance from her.

Smurfgirl · 22/10/2006 19:59

Xenia they absolutely do not have a key! They come to us about once a month for dinner (never invited they ring up and say we are coming on x and then leave at some crazy hour like midnight).

I am dreading going to theirs for her birthday TBH, hope dp does not get the time off!

OP posts:
franke · 22/10/2006 20:04

Just wondering, if he wasn't in contact with her much before, why are you pressing him to do so now?

Smurfgirl · 22/10/2006 20:07

Oh just because he was a normal teenage lad who forgot they existed. I just try and be nice and encourage him to keep contact so they can keep up their relationship.

I have a good relationship with my mum and dad and love ringing them, just thought they might want the same from their son.

OP posts:
swifter · 22/10/2006 20:11

smurf girl just F*ck her off- she sounds dreadful. I wouldnt be as tolerant as you (as i am an intolerant old bag most of the time)Tell her that her behaviour makes you feel down and you want to have a good relationship with her.

Failing that smile and nod...or slip her laxatives at the wedding-that'll sort her out!!! (god can you tell I'm pre-menstrual!!)

franke · 22/10/2006 20:19

I'm almost with Swifter on this one . It sounds to me like she has decided that whatever you do, however nice you are, it will never be quite good enough. She sounds potentially quite bullying, so perhaps you'd best back off now so that you don't end up feeling really upset. You've done your bit by getting your BF to contact her regularly, now it's up to him to continue (or not).

worcestercaroline · 22/10/2006 20:30

you can only take so much of her comments until it really gets u down. Think u just have to be firm with her so she knows she can't continue this stupid behaviour of hers. good luck;)

HumphreyComfrey · 22/10/2006 20:35

Smurfgirl, I arrange lots of lovely pressies for MIL, plus reminding DH to ring etc.

I am still the spawn of the devil as far as she's concerned!

wakeupandsmellthecoffee · 22/10/2006 23:16

www.motherinlawstories.com/mother-in-law_stories_archive_calendar_2006.htm

cant do links sorry . Try here this site is FAB

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