Too tired for sex

[littleraysofsunshine]

I just feel so tired from rubbish sleep, Breastfeeding still, late nights that once it's bed time or when I have free time I just want to go to bed and sleep! I feel awful..

Tiredness also leaves me with no energy to feel sexy for my partner.

How do you manage it with a busy life with three small kids ?

Sometimes sex has to go on the back burner until everyone's got more time and is in better shape. What's important is that, as a couple, no one confuses lack of sex with lack of love or affection. There should be no pressure, self-imposed or otherwise. Even if you don't have the energy for sex, make sure you are kind and affectionate with each other. Make time to be tactile and physically close, even if it's just holding a hand or cuddling up in front of the TV. That way, when you're not so tired, you can pick up where you left off.

Lots don't manage it. The "no sex / small dc / too tired" threads are really common which means actually it's pretty normal. I think the media would have everyone believe everyone is having tons of sex but the reality is quite different and I think there is way too much pressure to resume a media perception of normal after dc arrive. Dh and I used to have sex twice a day every day pre dc, now it's maybe once or twice a week if we're not too shattered! Thankfully both of us seem to feel the same which is good. I think it's more important to keep communicating and doing things together even if it's just having a cuddle in front of netflix to keep the closeness and hopefully in time things will come back. Breastfeeding reduces your sex drive... its nature's way of making sure you don't have another baby when you already have one to feed!

Yes, lots of cuddles and hugs.

And remember that realistically when sex does happen, its ok for it to be a quickie. Doesn't have to be a big exhausting session.

it is just a moment in time, you will have more time soon and feel less tired.
However, sometimes I find I am tired, not in the mood etc. but if I let myself give it a go for 5 mins I do get in the mood.
Sex is habit forming and the more you have the more you want, it is easy to get out of the habit of it so give it a go.

Having said that breastfeeding killed my libido stone cold and we did not really start up again until after I had finished feeding my daughter (6 months)

Part of it may be the breastfeeding. Tiredness/lack of libido is your body's way of stopping you reproducing and taking your energy away from the current offspring.

How old is your baby? I have three and it's exhausting, you aren't alone.

I did reassure my other half that it would get better, that I still fancied him but there was just no way I had the energy or wanted to be touched, I had nothing left in the early days, you get touched out from the constant contact with the baby.

I know you're bf, I don't know how new the baby is but maybe eventually you could express some for your partner to bottle feed of an evening? I find men don't have the same need for the mood to be right (I can't do sex straight after scrubbing the loo, watching a sad film or cleaning up kids vomit, for example, but often men can)

If you could get him to take the baby and do the last feed with a bottle downstairs, you could have a bath, recharge your batteries upstairs and then see if you're more in the mood. He brings baby up to go in his/her cot, hopefully changed, full and asleep! And you go from there? This is assuming that your other children sleep through...

We have three. 4,2.5 and 1.

Breastfeeding is a big part of it but also the tiredness. Baby isn't sleeping through and wakes about two-three times a night minimum.

Some men are up for it all the time. My partner is one of those lol and it's hard because I'm happy to sit and snuggle on the sofa but he then says a lot if the time that he can't help himself... Then I think oh in shattered!
This is usually late at night too by the time we get to relax.

I feel rubbish!

Does he get up in the night at all? I'm thinking that maybe you could say ok to sex IF (you felt like it, and) you knew he was getting up once in the night or whatever.

We have three. 4,2.5 and 1.

Breastfeeding is a big part of it but also the tiredness. Baby isn't sleeping through and wakes about two-three times a night minimum.

Some men are up for it all the time. My partner is one of those lol and it's hard because I'm happy to sit and snuggle on the sofa but he then says a lot if the time that he can't help himself... Then I think oh in shattered!
This is usually late at night too by the time we get to relax.

I feel rubbish!

How long are you planning to breastfeed your one year old for? Could you reduce the night feeds at all so you don't end up so exhausted? Will baby take a bottle?

Just sat and discussed with dp. Still no further forward.

He won't take a bottle. I fed my others to 13m and 15m. I just take it as it comes really. But will try to introduce an extra milk for bed to see if this helps. I don't want to rush daytime weaning yet so don't want to jeopardise it

God I feel so rubbish.
Like a let down!

I know this sounds so silly.

But ta like I've forgotten how to be an adult who enjoys sex. The intimacy romance thing. Like sexting, groping, PDA, all those things. I feel so low confidence in my self for those things. Sex isn't adventurous. It feels like a chore. and I don't want to feel that way. It's ruining us.