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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Hes been thinking of ending things and hes the only person I have around.

29 replies

ItsAlmostOver · 11/02/2015 19:08

My dp and I have been together for a year. Things were going well, its been a bit rocky, at the start I had to deal with his jealousy and sometimes he has anger problems. Things have been good recently though and he told me he wanted a future with me and my daughter and we had talk of moving in together at some point.

This last week hes suddenly gone cold and kept cancelling or pushing the days back of when he would come over. He's now told me he been thinking for a while about not being with me, he wants to be single but still see me. I asked him if this means he wants to sleep with other people and practically have his pie and eat it too but he refused and said its about him going clubbing, going a bit crazy and doing what he wants before settling down. He says hes not made a final decision and wants a nice weekend with me and then he will come back with what he decides. He was supposed to come tonight but cancelled last minute.

This is a giant blow to me, I'm agoraphobic and he's become the only person I see these days so I just feel so panicked. I love him, want to do anything to keep him around and it doesn't help that I have no support around me. I've had the 'I thought I wanted this but I don't' speech twice now, it was said to me by my daughters father when he left (I wasn't agoraphobic then, its only been the last 8/9 months). I feel like me and my dd have been used as some kind of practice family for 2 men who have then decided its not for them.

What ways can I get through this? Has anyone had the situation where their partner has said similar things but decided to stay? What happens then, do you feel differently about them?

OP posts:
AnnieLobeseder · 12/02/2015 10:12

Good! Get angry. Stay that way! He is taking full advantage of your vulnerability to play his nasty games. Loneliness is awful, but putting yourself at his mercy so he can blow hot and cold and twist you in knots is worse. Life can only get better with him gone. It will only get worse the longer you put up with his dreadful behaviour.

mortil2 · 12/02/2015 10:16

Just read your thread. He sounds so manipulating and controlling. Please get rid and definitely cancel tonight.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 12/02/2015 10:40

Aggressive, jealous, isolating, he is no catch. Thankfully he hasn't moved in, does he have a key?

Well done taking steps regarding the agoraphobia. Now give this man total freedom to disappear for good.

cozietoesie · 12/02/2015 11:05

I'd cancel him - but remember that as he's a nasty and controlling type, he will probably suddenly (and temporarily) turn all sweet and thoughtful if he thinks you're getting yourself together and escaping his ways. You need to be prepared for that because while you're basically pretty strong, I think, you might be a bit vulnerable at the moment.

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