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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Today, The Damn broke, can,t stop crying. Some sense rquired

5 replies

chinuphigh · 11/02/2015 18:25

Ill keep this as brief as i can. I have had to name change due to a recent experience so will not go into too much detail for annonymitysake. I recently split with my STBH. I ended the relationship as i felt i was going crazy. We were together a year and a half and we had real highs and lows. I really loved him, but that my feelings eroded with his behaviour. We split two weeks ago. I have been ok, or so i thought until today. He has barraged me with calls, emails, texts and sent cards and flowers to my home. Today i had had enough and i emailed him back to tell him to stop, that its over. He then did the exact same thing that led to the split. He brought up things he had said and done and said he didnt mean to say that, he didnt think when he said this. This was a real brick wall for me because through the relationship there were 2 points that i really couldnt deal with and we talked about what was wrong. He would agree it was wrong apologise and say it would be rectified. A couple of weeks later, the same thing would happen, with the same conversation, the same proposed resolution. i would talk to him calmly, but after the 4th time, i was shouting. next time, iwas crying. Next time, i briefly put him out and so on and so on. I felt like i was going mad. He,d never shout, just keep the same monotonous tone. Lots of other things happened where he backed down on our life plans as a couple telling me what was best for me. I feel like i,ve wasted a year and a half out my life. Today, after replying to him, i just broke down and i have cried and cried all day. He sees himself as mister nice guy and has made me feel as though i,m the mental one. He has actually repeatedly said "i,m a nice guy!" I know i,ll get through this, just cannot stop crying in anger and frustration that he is trying to make me doubt myself.

OP posts:
GoatsDoRoam · 11/02/2015 18:29

Cut contact.

Don't read those letters, messages, emails. Change your phone number and email address, block him, set an automated "send to trash" on anything from him.... whatever it takes for you not to have your heart strings pulled by this stuff.

You will heal quicker, if he is completely OUT of communication with you.

chinuphigh · 11/02/2015 18:47

Thanks for replying. I,ve ignored him pretty much up until now, but the flowers and cards through the post just really upset me. I think i,m more distressed and headspun about the constant promises,to change then blatantly nothing. One minute taking responsibility and the next lots of excuses. I have never met anyone like that. He,s driven me crazy and i think i,m crying because i realize, i let him do it. I have a new phone which i got at the weekend but for reasons i cannot disclose it will take me a long time to completely cut off from the old mob number as so many vital contacts have that number. I know tomorrow i will be stronger and i feel like an idiot. Just had enough of being strong today.

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 11/02/2015 18:48

I agree with the PP that cutting contact is the only solution. You can't reason with someone like this because they have no intention of being reasonable. I've met it before, the flat patronising tone and the insistence that they are a nice person.... very frustrating and designed to wear you down. The more airtime you give them, the worse it will be for you.

LoisPuddingLane · 11/02/2015 18:50

Anyone who has to tell you they are a nice guy probably isn't. I think you've probably had a lucky escape.

chinuphigh · 11/02/2015 19:09

I know that you are all absolutely 100 per cent right in how to deal with this. I will do much better from tomorrow. But tonight im going to let myself cry it out so i can get back to laughing again. Thanks just for being there.

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