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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Weird / trivial situation - IS THIS JUST ME?!

17 replies

carolineflacksdouble · 11/02/2015 13:16

Have been scouring this section looking for someone with this "problem"... I feel a bit daft posting this as it is SO trivial compared to the women on here with ACTUAL problems...
...But, is it just me, it is the world peppered with horrible people? Over the course of the past week I have had three encounters with people from my past that I don't want to speak with as they are simply not nice. Ok, one was via FB. I blocked someone from school who ditched me as a friend when she had come back from the summer hols one year & had reinvented herself. Although I've blocked her, lots of people were posting stuff about her and her amazing career on FB. Good for her if she's doing well in life, but seeing her name all over FB only reminded me how mean she'd been to me in school. Over the weekend I also saw two unrelated people from my uni days - one very cliquey and far too cool to be friends with me, in spite of our friends in common at the time. Another whose values were v out of line & who I felt I couldn't be friends with. My response? I ignore these people, and they ignore me back. Bit awkward with the latter one as it was on a night out with colleagues. I toyed with the idea of being the bigger person & saying hi to her, but by this time it was clear she was ignoring me just as hard!
Today, a woman at one of my kids' clubs (another parent) made a very sarcastic / cutting comment when I knocked into her child, and would not accept my apology. I reasoned she was prob having an off day, but later saw her sat in her little clique and she certainly seemed to be having a great time with them... I know I should brush it off as it was an impulsive comment, but I can't stop thinking about it...
Do other people have weird situations like this? Is this not a bit primary school? Why can't we all live in harmony, man?

OP posts:
Handywoman · 11/02/2015 13:28

Er, how old are you? Confused You seem very wrapped up in what people think of you.

pocketsaviour · 11/02/2015 13:35

I find that I dislike probably 90% of the people I meet. (This is an improvement on my younger years when I disliked about 99% of the world!)

I only speak to one person who I went to school with. I went to school in a very affluent area and unfortunately a lot of the kids were little junior tory party types. Me and my very few mates were definitely the losers club.

I get on much better now I'm in a job where my colleagues tend to be like-minded people. But I also recognise that I'm not a typical or normal person and therefore won't click with a lot of people. It doesn't bother me any more.

carolineflacksdouble · 11/02/2015 13:44

Yeah, I realise I do over think about what others think of me, which could be immature. So, do other people have the situations and just not worry about it? Meaning it is me that has the prob?! Suppose that is my question...

OP posts:
VanitasVanitatum · 11/02/2015 13:46

Surprised you see anything about the first one if you've blocked her, stuff about her shouldn't appear in your feed if she's tagged.

carolineflacksdouble · 11/02/2015 13:47

Yeah, pocketsaviour - I don't keep in touch with anyone from school - just one or two ppl from the 150 odd in my year. But I do have lots of friends from that era who were at other schools etc & have a great circle of friends now.

OP posts:
carolineflacksdouble · 11/02/2015 13:47

She wasnt tagged, it was a link to her business...

OP posts:
carolineflacksdouble · 11/02/2015 13:49

And I supposr all this is also on my mind as I am moving town soon & while I can ignore these cliquey mums here, I'll have to somehow become part of their gang if I want friends in my new town...

OP posts:
sillymillyb · 11/02/2015 13:53

Honestly? Why are you giving this head space? I am maybe older than you, but I left school.... Er.... 16 years ago, and yeah there's people on fb who were bitches back then, but I'm not losing sleep over them. If you are young then I promise time will distance you from all this and you won't care as much later on. If you are older, and still stressing, then you really need to look at your self esteem. Sorry if that's harsh Thanks

sixandtwothrees · 11/02/2015 13:54

There are a lot of dickheads around, I agree. Like most people are actually dickheads and only a few are genuinely lovely.

The difference is that some days/weeks it bothers you and others it doesn't. I suspect something is making you feel sensitive about all this and that's why it's got your goat at the moment, as it sounds like you have a generally sensible strategy for dealing with dickheads... So, what's got you thinking about it? Are you feeling a bit misunderstood in some way?

I have numerous incidents with dickheads like that woman and they might irritate me temporarily but they certainly don't eat at me significantly. ALso, people from uni that I wasn't really mates with or whatever, I would just say hi to if I saw them face to face, as a courtesy rather than ignore them. Do you carry quite a bit of baggage around about these things from the past?

Jan45 · 11/02/2015 14:04

One good thing about growing old is you grow to not give a stuff what others think, as long as you yourself are courteous and not rude or nasty then the rest can wallow in their mean-ness, I just cut off anyone that is a constant negative in my life.

Joysmum · 11/02/2015 14:09

I don't seem to get nasty people, I have a zero tolerance policy of how I expect to be treated in terms of politeness.

However, I'm a sucker for attracting people who take advantage of my good nature and always want help. I'm learning that this is because I'm a rescuer so am working on changing that Smile

Pandora37 · 11/02/2015 14:14

I wouldn't block someone on FB just because they'd been mean in school - if that was the case I'd have half the school blocked. Grin I did block an old friend who started writing abusive messages on my wall though and sending me horrible private messages. I don't see anything about her on FB which is lovely but then I only have a few people from school on my friends list.

I'm at uni at the moment and a while back we had to do a group presentation. The usual suspects took the lead which is fine, when I sent them my ideas they ignored everything I said and didn't even acknowledge that I'd sent them anything. I was a bit annoyed but that's life - ultimately I'm there to get an education and I think cliques will always form in large groups. I will never be part of any clique as I'm too much of an outsider but I don't let it bother me any more.

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 11/02/2015 14:17

You decided in uni that you felt you couldn't possibly be friends with this woman, you ignore her on a night out and now you're feeling all pissy because by the time you decided you might deign to say hi to her she was ignoring you just as hard. I bet that was a fun night for everyone involved! Seriously, I would have just said hi to uni woman, asked her how she was doing, you didn't need an in depth chat but you weren't even civil.

I think if four people this week have somehow managed to piss you off with these non-encounters, then the problem is probably you - you're overthinking things or you're just a bit like hard work.

Batmam · 11/02/2015 14:26

I'm with you Caroline, I've had several experiences like this from my younger years and it hurts. I know by now that my personality just rubs some people up the wrong way but I have lots of really lovely friends who must think I'm ok so as I get older I'm trying to be a bit more Teflon. Sounds like you're handling it just fine!

AHatAHatMyKingdomForAHat · 11/02/2015 14:45

Hmmm. If you know one arsehole then you know one arsehole. If you know lots of arseholes then it is probably you that is the arsehole.

Did you really completely blank one of a group at a night out? Wouldn't even say hi? Wow. That's spectacularly rude. How uncomfortable for everyone else.

The thing the blankee did to deserve your silent treatment was to not click as friends with you when you were at uni? Confused

You blocked someone on Facebook because she dumped you as a friend when you were teenagers at school? Confused

You knocked into a child at a kids club and the mum was snippy with you about it. Perhaps she was a bit rude but what do you expect if you bang into a child? Meh. Then she goes to sit with her friends for a chat and has nice time with them. Er, what's wrong with that? Why do you even mention that bit? Isn't that what people do in social situations? Confused

People having friends isn't "being cliquey".

Some people just don't click as friends, even if they have mutual friends.

Blanking someone is generally reserved for people that have been utterly hideous to you. It is normal to be polite and civil to people even if you don't like them or suspect they don't like you.

Do you hold petty grudges about lots of other things too?

springydaffs · 11/02/2015 17:54

AHats post notwithstanding, there are a lot of unpleasant people about ime. I've had to take someone to task this week after she was outrageously rude and dismissive to me in public. Though if I took everyone to task who behaves badly I wouldn't have a life. I agree with you, why can't everyone just be decent and polite, regardless what they think of you privately. If I let everyone know what I really think it would be fun I'd get punched on the nose because it's true

GoatsDoRoam · 11/02/2015 18:18

People are hurtful out of fear and insecurity.

And we feel hurt by others because of our own fears and insecurities.

You can't cure other people, but you can certainly work on breathing and letting go when they hurt you, and not taking it personally. It's hard. But when it works you feel a lot better about them, and about yourself.

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