Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How many online-dating frogs did you kiss before finding the prince?

36 replies

ravenmum · 11/02/2015 09:57

Split up with my ex last year and and going on my first "date" for 25 years tonight (aagh) - someone on an online dating site. It's my first blind date ever, and the whole idea seems quite weird, honestly: you can't really tell if you like someone from a few photos and a bit of online banter, so I'm trying not to get overexcited about it :-) If you've tried online dating, how many people did you meet up with before finding a match?

OP posts:
LadyBlaBlah · 11/02/2015 09:59

I probs had about 15 dates, all bar one were fiiiiine just not that into them.

I've been with bf for 19 months now. But he's not my prince. I'm waaaay too jaded for romance. He's just pretty cool Wink

PandorasToyBox · 11/02/2015 10:19

A few things I advise people to do when online dating is,

A) set up a separate email acc and skype acc under a pseudo name. That way you don't have to give out phone number straight away and can easily block.

B) never give out address until you are sure that date is as safe as poss.

C) always background check, google full name, find out if he/she is who they say they are. This is good od hygiene. I managed to talk (never met) with a delightful psychopath once, lucky for me that I had looked him up, he is now in prison for murder Shock (am now engaged and v happy with lovely man, but a few frogs did have to be kissed first).This should also help to see if the person is infact single etc.

D) go in to od with expectation of widening your friendships, I found that making friends more than lovers helped very much.

E) grow a thick skin.

F) look out for red flags early on, I found it helpful to have the stance on not compromising on what it is I was looking for.

G) be honest and truthful, holding ones integrity I found helpful.

E) don't expect too much and meet asap in a safe public environment, going for coffee is best, no mixed signals and no getting tipsy. Let a friend know where you are and whom you are meeting, I always sent text from ladies saying all ok etc. friend was on stand by incase I needed to get out of date quick. I also text her when I got home.

F) never leave a drink unattended and always buy your own, I have had a couple of friends being slipped the date rape drug.

Good luck on your date and hope you have fun.

There is a daters thread somewhere here in relationships with seasoned od'ers that will offer support.

PandorasToyBox · 11/02/2015 10:25

here is thread it's maxed out but someone will start another soon.

MadameOvary · 11/02/2015 10:30

Five I think. I was on those dating threads. They are a good source of support . Good advice from PandorasToyBox

ravenmum · 11/02/2015 10:32

Oh, thanks for the tips, Pandora, very helpful! Also makes me feel less of a stalker for my thorough googling. To be honest I think what I am looking for right now is just some practice after all these years; would be a bit rubbish if I went straight from one long-term relationship into another...

OP posts:
FolkGirl · 11/02/2015 11:00

I never did find a prince...

But when I did OD, I met up with 10 men. Of those, only 2 had real WTF?!! value; most just didn't float m' boat; and a couple I left broken hearted... Wink Just remember that people can say and be whoever they want online. The photos can be 10 years old and not even of them. Some men will say whatever they think it is necessary to say to get whatever it is that they want from a woman. Just take care. And yes, the Dating Thread is very good. Very supportive and lots of very wise people who've been doing it for a very long time (and still haven't found a prince!) I'm a lot wiser and a lot more cynical about it all than I was.

I did meet someone who I dated for 10 months but finally ended it when it became obvious things were not entirely as they seemed. Nothing concrete, but just ended up feeling really bad about myself.

I've recently rejoined just for one month. I've been on one date. He seems quite keen. I'm just going to see what happens. I don't have any great expectations... But he seems my type. We shall see... Not planning on ever having my heart broken or my self esteem eroded ever again, though!

Good luck! x

niceupthedance · 11/02/2015 14:24

I've been on five dates in the last year:
1 weirdo
2 wanted to date me but I had no interest
2 ran off after sex (obviously I liked them).
Not many princes round here...

Faithless · 11/02/2015 14:53

7 dates over 2 years:

  1. 1 date, odd and needy (Guardian)
  2. 1 date, I liked him, he didn't like me (POF)
  3. About 5 dates, fun but incompatible (him teetotal, me not so much!)(POF)
  4. About 6 dates, dtd, I liked him more than he liked me, just stopped messaging and fizzled out (POF)
  5. 1 date, pleasant but we just didn't click (POF)
  6. 1 date, full of himself arse (POF)
  7. 15 months worth of dates, Mr Perfect for me. (Tinder)

Good luck OP.

mrsm16 · 11/02/2015 15:03

I had about 5 in total (one I dated for a year) before meeting my fiance!

together 4 years now, 1 ds, twins on the way and getting married next year so I've definitely got my fairytale ending!
My 2 cents would be if it doesn't feel easy/natural by the end of the first date it's not going to get easier! good luck and hope you enjoy x

GamoraStarlord · 11/02/2015 15:18

I know I am incredibly lucky but I only had one! Spoke to one other in depth online until he told me he was married and had made a mistake (lucky escape!) and then my fiancé messaged me. To be honest I nearly wrote him off as well as his profile was fairly bare but there was a little sentence at the end that made him sound very sweet so I messaged him back and we just grew from there. We were both incredibly shy and nervous so chatted for almost 7 weeks by the time we met. He is the best, a hugely supportive partner and stepdad and funny and smart to boot! It was luck but hey it can happen!

WestEast · 11/02/2015 15:25

I chatted to a few people online, instantly blocked a few people as well.
I exchanged numbers with one, we met for a drink and have been together ever since.
So just the one for me :)

sansucre · 11/02/2015 16:15

I got hundreds of messages, chatted to a dozen or so and went on 6 dates over a one year period and the one I got together with was the one I 'had a feeling' about from the first time we exchanged messages. (The other 5 were men I knew I'd have a good evening with and made it clear to them I wasn't romantically interested in them. They one the other hand were convinced that after an evening in their company I would be madly in love. I wasn't!)

A friend of mine married her first ever internet date.

It's different for everyone!

Therewere5inthebed · 11/02/2015 16:47

Blocked about a dozen, messaged three others that messaged me, went on dates with two while still messaging the other (who I liked most) hussy started speaking on the phone with the third, met up had an amazing evening, snogged his face off and we've now been together for 9 yrs, married for 5 and have two kids. I knew he was the one for me the moment he kissed me! We had a rough year last year but are 100% back on track and both very happy.

Gem124 · 11/02/2015 17:36

My dp was number 15!! Decent blokes just not that spark, bar one weirdo!!

Augustwedding · 11/02/2015 17:41

3! The third being DH. We married in August and now 17 weeks pregnant. I think we were very lucky!

DontKillMyVibe · 11/02/2015 17:41

I had my first ever online date on Sunday and am meeting him again this weekend. No idea if he is my prince but he seems very nice and un-frog like so far Grin

I was quite strict in my vetting process. Had a hidden profile on POF, sifted through hundreds of profiles, favourited about 10 so they could see my profile, exchanged messages with 3 (blocked one of them as he came across a bit strange) and have met one so far.

Good luck for tonight!

DontKillMyVibe · 11/02/2015 17:45

Oh and I agree with Pandora - I google checked my before meeting (it's not stalking it's research Grin) and we met after only messaging for a couple of days - no point IMO in dragging it out for weeks incase a fake spark is built rather than a real one.

littleunderdog · 11/02/2015 17:47

The very first one I met was perfect. (We're still together 14 years later.)

Upatree · 11/02/2015 19:44

I had two stints of OLD. The first time was in 2004 where I was messaged by literally hundreds of men on Match.com. I replied to roughly 30 of them and had 12 dates. Only one was a complete tosser, another an utter weirdo and the rest were "normal" (ish!). I made some friends, had a couple of flings and then met the man who I was in a relationship for the next 2.5 years. We broke up because it was long distance and neither of us wanted to relocate and I then ended up having a 4 year relationship with someone I knew in real life.

In 2010 when that relationship broke down I joined Match again, but realised I wasn't ready to meet anyone, so my membership was inactive for several months. Then in the summer of 2011 I started dating again and met up with 6 people over the course of 2 months. One of those men really led me down the garden path and was totally full of shit, so I'd got to the point where I was feeling utterly jaded and was going to delete my account.

I don't know what made me check back through my messages, but I clicked back through the hundreds I had received in the past year to the very first one, which I hadn't replied to, because I wasn't in the right headspace to date then. I read over his profile again and thought, "actually, he's really lovely." He saw I'd viewed his profile, so he sent me a wink and I winked back. We then messaged each other for a week or two before meeting up. I was trying not to treat it as a date because I didn't want to get my hopes up again, but we both shared an interest (creative writing) and he'd sent me the first 3 chapters of a novel he'd written which I agreed to critique and meet up with him to discuss that.

However, it became apparent within minutes of meeting each other that there was a huge spark between us and we were going to be far more than writing buddies! We both felt we'd found "the one" (and I'd never previously believed in fatalistic stuff like that) and before long it felt like I'd known him all my life. 3.5 years on we're engaged and are getting married this October.

So in answer to your question OP, I met 19 frogs, before I met no. 20, my prince! I sometimes wonder what life would have been like if I'd give up and deleted my profile without going back through my messages. I'm so glad I gave OLD one last shot Smile

velvetspoon · 11/02/2015 20:11

Not quite hundreds, but certainly a lot. I ODd for about 5 years on and off. For the first couple of years I never got beyond a first date (a few I wasn't interested in, most I'd have been prepared to see more than once but they were never interested. They'd disappear into the ether almost as soon as the date ended!). Then there were 2 complete commitment phobes I 'dated' for a few months each, but neither really ever got off the ground.

And then last year when I was in an oh fuck it, one last try, mood, I joined back up to POF, saw a guy who looked nice, sent a message (something I'd rarely do as men never replied to me!)....and we've been together for the last 9 months. He is utterly lovely, my constant supporter and best friend. I always hoped someone like him existed but was giving up hope on ever finding him. My friends call him my prince Blush Smile

flora717 · 11/02/2015 20:23

I gave up after 4 Online experiences. Of those 2 were OK, 2 just. No.
I met my now DH through a mutual friend. I honestly.
My friend married the first guy she dated through meeting online.
Another friend met up with maybe 3 who never made it to a second date and is now moving in with the 4th.
They both were very cautious about moving to meeting in real life. Personally this for me would be difficult. It's such an acid test to actually meet someone, hear their voice, see the reactions. The written word can be deceptive of tone.

flora717 · 11/02/2015 20:24

i honestly? No idea what that was

DontKillMyVibe · 11/02/2015 20:35

Velvet - I remember you from me reading the dating threads. So lovely to read that you've finally found the perfect match - delighted for you! Smile

velvetspoon · 11/02/2015 22:50

Don't thank you for remembering me, and for being pleased for me too Smile I have to say there were times when I never thought I'd get to date 2/3, let alone an actual relationship with someone perfect for me, but it happened in the end!

Goodbetterbest · 11/02/2015 23:31

I've just subscribed to Guardian Soulmates and it puts the fear of god into me. I don't understand it, it's been too long, and I am too old for all this.

Swipe left for the next trending thread