Please give me the courage to just do it?

[1Cheesedoff]

I have appointment with solicitor to start divorce proceedings. I have been here before and decided to call a halt. I have been given the silent treatment for the last 6months. I have tried to sort it on several occasions but just get nowhere. He says " I'm not listening to this shit", "What do you want me to say" never anything to move the relationship on. I know it will never change but it is so hard to start a divorce. We have teenage children who are aware of the situation. I think what I am really asking is how to have the courage to walk through that door tomorrow start proceedings and not look back. How did anyone feel in the same situation. I hope this makes sense just needs a helping hand at the moment. x

Sorry you're in such a dilemma. Do you have anyone close with whom you have shared your story? Supportive friend or family member? Sometimes having a hand to hold helps a lot

No doubt it's going to be hard for you but you just have to put one in front of the other.
Have a chat with the solicitor and take it from there.
You don't have to file tomorrow just get your ducks in a row first.
My absolute has just come through this week. It's taken an age! But I'm free. To be honest I feel no different.
You know what you have to do.
Can a friend or family member go with you.
It's all a bit numbing on the first visit and lots won't sink in.
So make sure you take a note book and pen and write everything down to read afterwards. Easier though if you have someone with you to recap afterwards.
Good luck tomorrow.
We are all routing for you.

You don't have to go straight to divorce proceedings. I know a lot of people do, but I started with just telling him it was over and how were we going to manage it. Luckily mine was concerned to keep things stable for the children so it has been relatively amicable. We are doing a formal separation then will divorce later on.

Can you see things improving after 6 months of being stonewalled?

Do you want to be in a marriage like this till your dying days?

I think that knowledge is power, it gives the power of choices.

I'd go to the solicitor, learn what your options and the process is and decide in a week or 2 if you want to proceed. Going to the solicitor should be seen as a fact finding mission.

It'd be so good for you to have choices, to know what could be rather than only being sure of what you're stuck in now.

I really don't know how you can put up with silence for six months. His silence is your answer.

When you have given your all then there is absolutely nothing you can do unless you want to live a life of misery.

There is a new life waiting for you. Please open the door to it.

I agree it might be helpful to regard going to the solicitor as seeking information. Step 1, if you like.

Knowledge is power.

Best of luck.

Thank you for your kind words and helpful advice. I have all the knowledge as I went the beginning of last year then backed out because he said he was depressed and I said I would stay. So the only reason to go tomorrow is to proceed. If I don't I know deep down nothing will change but it is so scary. I just need to be strong.

IME things are rarely as bad as you build them up in your head and imagine they're going to be. :) Best of luck

I like the image that getting out is like climbing a fence. It can be tricky and difficult. But it's easy again on the other side.
Keep strong for the fence, and don't fall for the sob story. They all have a poor me sob story. But they don't grant you the same courtesy. :(

Good luck tomorrow.

I remember feeling very trepidatious about filing for divorce - and yes, it was the second time I had begun going down this route. I also realised (through MN) that subconsciously I was thinking I needed my H's agreement!

Do you have some examples of unreasonable behaviour to cite? (I had a few, it was easy to add to them pretty quickly by just noting down things he was doing each day)

Oh meant to say, one step at a time. Once I'd filed, life was stressful but I was no longer depressed.

dont think - just go through the motions.

ive just left a 27 year relationship for far far far less than you have reason to leave yours.

just dont think about it - act dont think.

6 months of silent treatment isnt a marriage.

This may help- Try and think about your life in two years time.

First think about it if you stay. Think about how you are mentally and psychically. Think about the relationship you will have with your husband. What the atmosphere will be like at home. Think about your children. What will life be like for them in the next two years. Think about how they would feel towards you, your h and themselves.

Then think about what it will be like in two years if you start proceedings now. Think about what it will
Be like if your h didn't come everyday. The atmosphere In the house. Think about what you could be doing. Think about your children, how they would feel with him not in the house.

Make sure you are realistic in what you imagine with the first. Don't think 'oh he will realise how bad he was and apologise and be the h I thought he could be' base it on his past behaviour.

I'm betting that the second option will be better for you. It might be a hard process now, but the rewards far outweigh staying, which is for the rest of your life.

And if he pulls out the depression card again, tell him only he can help himself. You can't do it for him and he has shown over the last 6months that he no intention of helping himself and you can't stay and suffer because of it.

If your husband Didn't come home everyday.

On my phone. Sorry.