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Relationships

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Original poster

On a scale of 1-10, how pissed off would you be....

21 replies

montycarlo · 11/02/2015 07:25

Dh works away a lot. He has left for a trip today and will be back on Saturday night.

On Monday night he had a get together with some folks from work, had dinner and drinks with them and got home at 11pm. Yesterday morning he didn't say a word about being late, i didn't hear a thing from him at all during the day or evening and by 8.30pm he still wasn't home. I phoned his mobile, he didn't reply. He stumbled in here last night at 10.30pm, pissed as a fart, apparently they got together for some after work drinks and didn't realize the time this is his excuse. I was furious as he could have been dead in a ditch somewhere, i think at least he could have just messaged me to at least let me know, but no, didn't think of that....

As an aside, I had the day from hell yesterday. My puppy is ill and i got called from the school as my ds has apparently not being doing homework and is arsing about in school (he is 15). My daughter is also ill at the moment, so is off school.

But the thing that is pissing me off the most, is that this trip away for training is with the very same people that he has been out drinking with for the past two nights. Most of them are single and don't have families to consider.

So, neither the dc nor I haven't seen him on Monday night, Tuesday night and now he is away.

So this morning i gave him the cold shoulder, and now he has left for his trip and i wont see him again until Saturday night. I usually do a reasonably nice dinner for Valentines (we don't go all out for Valentines but i try to do something nice), but i really don't even think i want to do that either.

I just feel like i am the right at the bottom of the heap right now. He didn't even ask how the pup was, it would appear that his drinking and socialization with his new mates are top priority right now.

OP posts:

Walkacrossthesand · 11/02/2015 07:27

Is this behaviour new?

Original poster

montycarlo · 11/02/2015 07:37

Yes and no Walk. Sorry i don't mean to dripfeed. A while back (say 2 years) it was happening fairly often and we had a discussion and I said that i couldn't cope with it anymore, and that he either decides to follow that life and leave, or to be supportive father and husband. He said that he didn't realize blah blah blah and that he would be more considerate by letting me know if he will be late etc etc. Things have been going really well during then. Now bam, out of the blue its starting again it seems...

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 11/02/2015 07:41

Well you gave him his ultimatum last time

he's done it again

so what now ?

oh, and it's a 10 of course

AttilaTheMeerkat · 11/02/2015 07:46

You've written about your H before and nothing has really changed.

What are you getting out of this relationship now with your H?. You've been bottom of his heap for a long time now.

What do you think your children are learning from the two of you about relationships here?. Is this really the role model of a relationship you want to be showing them, that this is how couples really behave in relationships?. What you're showing them is that all this is acceptable to you.

Your son may well be playing up at school perhaps because of what is happening at home. There are always reasons why children act like this and you need to talk to him. Any attention albeit negative is better than none, he seems deeply unhappy and is likely far more aware than you perhaps care to realise of what is happening between you both.

PandorasToyBox · 11/02/2015 08:14

If you go back on the boundaries that you put in place 2 years ago he will see it as a green light.

Do you want to be with someone who clearly has so little regard for you and your dc?

What will you do about your future happiness?

He is 10 of course

shewalkslikerihanna · 11/02/2015 08:17

He didn't think to ring you?
That's inconsiderate and disrespectful.
Maybe he didn't ring because he didn't want to be dragged back home.

How is he in the relationship generally?

A long talk is needed when he gets back.
Definitely a 10.

shovetheholly · 11/02/2015 08:45

I would be extremely peed off!

Your DH sounds like a colleague of my DH - he's quite senior, and increasingly out drinking with single people when his wife is at home looking after their two young children. Everyone looks at him and wonders what on earth he is doing, to be honest - because it's clear that his wife is very tolerant but must be under considerable stress from his behaviour.

I suggest you draw a line. You're being more than reasonable: he can go out drinking sometimes, but he needs to look after the kids too. Maybe book some evening activities for yourself where he needs to be at home to take care of the kids and allow you a break!

Joysmum · 11/02/2015 08:49

My DH also works away a lot and long unpredictable hours. If he took me for granted and disrespected me as much as yours is doing, we'd not survive.

You deserve better.

I think the worst stance he could take is not thinking there's a problem, rather than knowing theres a problem with his behaviour so he can sort it out or not

kittentwo · 11/02/2015 09:41

Quitelikely · 11/02/2015 09:46

He has got no respect for you. You are not his nanny he has got children and outwith working hours he needs to demonstrate his commitment to them and you.

The fact he didn't even call you is just pathetic and selfish.

Tell him if he wants to be a husband and father he needs to act like one.

Pastmyduedate0208 · 11/02/2015 10:19

You feel like the lowest of his priorities because unfortunately it looks like you are the lowest of his priorities.
Without meaning to be harsh, don't be a doormat.

Hmmm2014 · 11/02/2015 10:37

You say "my son" - is your DH your son's father? He isn't behaving like it. If your DS is having trouble at school, it should be both his parents dealing with it, not just you.

wobblebobblehat · 11/02/2015 10:41

DH always emails or rings to tell me if his plans change.

It sounds like he wants to live the single life. What do you want? Agree with the others, don't be a doormat. You have a choice.

Hope your puppy and children are okay...

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 11/02/2015 10:44

Would be a 10 for me. Shows a lack of respect for you and your family. It sounds like he has completely switched off from family life.

Chillyegg · 11/02/2015 10:51

Er I'd be very pissed of so a 10.

Personally I'd take the kids out for a nice meal Saturday or go out go to the cinema enjoy my self, rather than stay in and wait for him.
I'd not tolerate it especially as he's done this before and you've given him an ultimatum.
At some point like others have said you need to draw the line.

Somethingtodo · 11/02/2015 12:25

Will you be in contact with him (phone?text?) from now until Sat?

If so you need to bring it up (not give the cold shoulder) and be clear that x,y & z are not acceptable to you, that the boundaries are a,b,c and that the consequences are s,t,b,x,h.

littleleftie · 11/02/2015 18:45

You already told him how upset you are at the way he treats you and he clearly couldn't give a shit.

Your relationship appears to be one where you are a second class citizen.

Fairenuff · 11/02/2015 19:30

I don't think you need to bring it up with him again. He already knows that you're not going to tolerate this.

I would get legal advice and start making arrangements to call it a day. You should not have to work this hard just to get someone to listen to you and respect you.

I wouldn't be pissed off with him, I simply would not want to be with him. There is nothing he could say or do to make it better. He already said it all before.

What more is there to say. Empty promises are worth jack shit.

BolshierAyraStark · 11/02/2015 19:49

Yep 10, he sounds like an arse-sorry.

AnnieMorel · 11/02/2015 19:54

He sounds awful.

MillieH30 · 11/02/2015 19:56

I can see why you're fuming. I would be too. But If it is the 1st time in 2 years he has done this, then I think it would be an 8 and a serious discussion about general respect and not taking you for granted.

If everything else in your relationship is going ok and this is not in character, then this happening once wouldn't be a make or break issue for me.

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