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Original poster

Need to find courage to tell him I want to leave

8 replies

serpentina · 10/02/2015 21:34

Married more than 20 years, kids are teens but I've had enough. We have just grown apart, no affairs or violence although there are some very long sulks and we never talk any more.

I need to leave soon so that he can build up a pension for himself (he is late 50s, I am younger) but keep putting it off. I think he will be devastated and the kids won't thank me and we'll be poor but despite all that I just want to end it, but I can't find the words. Can't bear to see another valentine's day.

The stress of wanting to go and not doing it is on my mind all day and its killing me.

OP posts:
VanitasVanitatum · 10/02/2015 22:57

Just go and tell him, right now. Like ripping off a plaster... He doesn't sound happy either to be honest, he might be in some way a bit relieved..

It won't happen instantly but once your feeling is out there you can get the ball rolling.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 11/02/2015 10:23

Maybe what you need first is to do some information gathering and fact finding? Get a plan together so that, when you present it to him as step one, you've got steps two and three worked out in advance rather than too many loose ends. Good luck whatever you decide

pocketsaviour · 11/02/2015 10:31

Splitting up with someone is always difficult and after 20+ years of which the last few you haven't spoken about your feelings, it's bound to be rough.

agree with cogito that having a plan in mind would be best. What would you like to do? Where do you see yourself living, what arrangements for the kids? It might be best to go see a solicitor first just to get an idea of what solutions there are and what you can expect.

Original poster
serpentina · 11/02/2015 12:27

Thanks for your words, I really appreciate it. I have done some research into local rents and stuff and I think I'll get housing benefit.

I'm just worried that it'll seem to be coming out of nowhere when I tell him. Its been quiet since Christmas, not too many silences and difficulties but it doesn't really change anything. But he must know there's a problem, right? I mean, surely it won't be a complete shock to him will it?

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 11/02/2015 12:38

No matter how bad things are, I think you should anticipate that he will say it has come as a shock. If you never speak to each other, now is probably the time to start. Doesn't have to be confrontational initially. 'Where do you see this going?' ..... 'Why do you think we're so unhappy?'..... Good luck

hellsbellsmelons · 11/02/2015 16:55

I feel for you.
It's going to be hard but you need to tackle it.
I hope you can get out and have a happy life.

Gfplux · 11/02/2015 17:25

Yes, make plans, decide how and when. Put a date to it.
Good luck

trackdemon · 11/02/2015 20:23

Have you tried fixing it, or are you just past that? Bit harsh on the guy, but if the passion is gone it's gone....

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