Need out of this friendship advice please

[Bigmacandcoke]

Been friends with a girl since primary school. Over the years we've been close sometime more distant but she's always considered me her 'best friend'.
I need to now be honest she frightens me I know that sounds mad I'm nearly 30 years old but I'm scared of her.
I've tried for years to distance myself and break away but she pulls me up on it.
She is volatile and can be physically nasty but its also she can spread lies about people when they fall out with her.
I don't want her in my life anymore, I'm seriously thinking about moving away at this point but I can't.

How is best to handle this should I keep trying to phase her out?
I can't go into reasons why I don't want to be friends with her without outing myself but she's not a nice person to be around

There is something that doesn't feel quite right about this post. It's almost like underneath it, you are enjoying the sense of power and drama that this situation brings - and itching to drip feed us what your friend has done.

So my first piece of advice would be to think carefully about whether you really want to do this, or whether you are addicted to the drama of a dysfunctional friendship and simply looking to have a bit of a to-do with her.

If you decide you really want out of the relationship, then you gradually, but firmly disengage. I recommend starting a new group secretly - join a craft group or an after-work exercise class or anything that will lead you to a new social situation and new people. Then start to cancel meetings with your old friend - don't arrange new outings together, and say that you're really busy and can't make much time for her right now. Tell her you're having a hard time and need space for yourself. Let things drift.

And if she reacts nastily, don't react back - just shrug and walk away. It takes two to tango. Do not be tempted into any kind of showdown or confrontation - it's pointless and will only give her a sense of drama, which will draw you both back in.

What do you mean by 'physically nasty'? Has she assaulted you? If so you should involve the police, or threaten to if she won't leave you alone if you think that will be enough to deter her.

Honestly not that at all Holly am happy to pm but just wary of what I'm putting on here sorry if that's too cagey.
Thanks for advice both- I don't see her often really every few weeks and could avoid that anyway. That seems like my next step.
She has never been physical with me but I have seen her violence towards other people in the past she's never intimated anything like that to me but I know what she's capable of doing.

enjoying the sense of power and drama - really, shovetheholly? I'm not getting that at all. To quote the OP, "I'm frightened of her", "she scares me", "I don't want her in my life anymore", no - addicted to drama is not what I'm getting at all.

No, you don't need to PM - and the reason you don't need to PM is because you don't need to justify to anyone not being friends with her anymore. Your not wanting to be friends is enough justification!

If you're not getting anything out of the relationship, then I think you should walk away - without feeling any guilt! It's your prerogative to decide with whom you spend your time, and if you simply don't like her, then you need are wasting a lot of time and energy on something that is a bit pointless!

It should be that easy you're right I think I need to think of it like that but I'm thinking what could happen

Holly I think you're the one creating drama!

OP just back off slowly and carefully. Folk like her let their fists do the talking and rule by fear.

Just don't call or text her, don't arrange meetings, she might not contact you anyway. If she does, be busy one or two times, you will probably find if you don't make much effort, she wouldn't either. Some people might say be honest, but I'm not one of those, I think friendships often drift anyway and all you are creating is artificial drift!

Yes think that's the best option so glad others agree. I'm trying to avoid any drama, I think I'm worried about her stirring trouble for me Mrs she has done to others before spreading rumours etc but we don't share many mutual friends anyway so that's not a major issue really but she knows my work friends etc. Id be worried about bumping into her and her losing it mostly I think