I was seeing my ex, casually, on and off since 2009. It ended for good last year when I finally woke up, got some self-respect and ditched him. I did love him though, a lot, would’ve done anything for him and I think a small part of me will always have a soft spot for him but he treated me appallingly and meeting my now OH has totally shown me what a real, loving relationship SHOULD be like.
Anyway, when I first got with my OH, ex couldn’t stand it and was literally bombarding me with texts/phone calls/whatsapps etc begging me to give him another chance, he realised he’d been an idiot, I was the girl he wanted to marry, blah, blah, blah. I stopped responding and so he started messaging one of my close friends asking her to speak to me, to tell me he’s sorry, get me to ‘see sense’ (arrogant so and so) blah, blah.
Ex and I do share some of the same friends, although, tbh, to me, they are more like acquaintances. The past couple of months, my friends and I have been out on a Saturday night and have bumped into him due to him and us all being with the same people, in the same pubs/ bars etc. He and I have been fine, we have a drink and a chat but that’s it.
ANYWAY, my close friend that he started messaging that time, asking her to speak to me on his behalf, told me the other week that he had messaged her on FB after she had ‘checked in’ at his local pub on FB asking why she didn’t tell him she was there as he would’ve gone down and had a drink with her?! She said it very blaze, like that was a completely normal thing for him to do. I wanted to ask why he was messaging her and did she message him back but just kept schtum.
He has told me before in passing that he thinks she’s ‘fit’ (she is) and he is stupidly handsome and the majority of females aren’t exactly immune to his charm!
A few weeks ago she ‘checked in’ again at his local pub on FB (which is a bit weird as it’s nowhere near where she lives but she has recently palled up with a girl who lives near him and that is her local too, so fair enough) and when I saw it, I wondered whether he’d be messaging her again or whether the ‘check in’ was for his benefit as she very rarely uses FB/ does check in’s etc so it’s a bit odd. She’s also started to get a bit obsessed with hanging around with the same people as him, so those acquaintances that I mentioned in my 3rd paragraph, if we are out she is constantly saying ‘Let’s text so and so and see what they’re doing and where they are.’ Or she’ll text me before the weekend saying ‘So and so are going to be at the rugby club on Sat, shall we go and watch the match and go out with them after?’ I’m really not bothered to be honest as the majority of them irritate me and she has never been bothered about them or ever wanted to give them the time of day before?
ANYWAY, I haven’t seen her for a couple of weeks as I’ve been on holiday and work has been manic. She came over last night and in the middle of a conversation, casually managed to drop in how ‘A couple of weeks ago her and XXX (her friend) were down his local again and my ex came down to meet them and they all got really drunk and he invited them both back to his to stay the night, which they did…..in the spare room.’
At the time, I felt like she’d slapped me but I acted nonchalant and didn’t say anything, however when she left, I felt really upset. My OH noticed and asked what was up and so I told him and his first words were ‘Well that’s a bit off to be honest as she doesn’t even know him, only through you and even that’s not very well and why do you need to know that she’s getting drunk with him and staying around his house?’
And that’s exactly how I feel. I KNOW I am with someone else, him and I are history so it shouldn’t matter but this man was my utter world for a very long time. She is one of my best friends and in general, is a BRILLIANT friend. I just can’t help but think something is going on somewhere. They don’t know each other from Adam, apart from through me and I only really introduced them to each other in the last few months of him and I’s relationship, so that is only about a year ago. In that time they’ve probably met a handful of times when we’ve bumped into him out and about. She ‘dislikes’ him (like the rest of my friends) for how he treated me whilst we were together etc. Although obviously not, because she’s now getting drunk with him and staying over at his house.
He doesn’t do female ‘friends’ he only gives someone the time of day if he finds them attractive (shallow git) so I know his intentions would not have been honourable. I just don’t get how she thought I was going to react, am I expected to be doing cartwheels that one of my best friends is now spending time with my ex and staying over at his house? If they were friends before then that would be different, but they don’t know each other at all?
I feel like I need to speak to her about it and say that if anything were to happen there, I’m sorry, but I could not forgive her. Out of all the men in the world that is the ONE man that I couldn’t forgive one of my friends for going behind my back with and I shouldn’t even have to say that as she should know. Also, I have spoken to her every day in the past 2 weeks and not once has she mentioned that she stayed over at his. I have also spoken to him too a few times as his dog (who was my world when we were together) had a fit, fell down the stairs and ended up at the vets very ill. He was devastated and just wanted to talk to someone I think and I am the only other person who loves her like he does. Not once did he mention it either yet if I had stayed around her exes’ house or had his best friend randomly stay over at mine, I think I’d have mentioned it!
Irrespective of anything else, he is bad news. She is younger than me and without meaning to be patronising, quite naïve when it comes to relationships and men. She would get SO hurt, just like I did, just like all his ex’s have, hence why he’s 36 and on his own!
Should I speak to her do you think?