I have worked hard since dp and I separated as soon as dd was born. My aim was to give my dc the best upbringing I could as a single parent. Owning own house, working and managing everything in her life to set her up on the right path in life. If everything else failed I knew being the best mother I could be would be the proudest thing in my life. I have achieved that. we're a little team & similar personalities so get on great now. She is just super. I couldn't ask for more in a dc. So this has taken 9 years. I never wanted another partner, i didn't have time for it, emotionally or physically.
But i met a man. I didn't introduce them for 2 years. I wanted to ensure my dc would not get emotionally involved. It has been 4 years now. We don't live together. my choice. i want dc to not feel pushed out. We are in city and he is in country (farming). myself and dd do want this move but not until she finishes primary education. I would not disrupt her. I have given myself a time frame of 2 years and then we'll make our move.
They get on great, but recently i noticed dd getting a little quiet around him. I have asked her why and she says he acts a bit silly for her now. I suppose he is trying and not realising she is growing up and maturing. I hate seeing this as he tries hard to make her laugh and enjoy the time. But i see her point. I found it hard to discuss this with him but he accepted she has matured and as he doesn't see her as regularly as he would like to he notices the change in maturityand finds it hard to adapt. naturally.
This evening i was on the phone to him. ten mins. dd was watching tv. he asked about her and she heard me. So there has never been a time where i felt she was excluded. It has always and will be my thinking she is number 1.
However when she was going to sleep she became upset. She said that she felt that he was a priority in my life now more than her. She would rarely be this upset and I took it seriously. i explained that would never be the case and she is always and will be my priority. I explained that adults needed companionship etc. that'snatural, but she never had a reason to worry.
But it has upset me. I feel in the middle. I love this man, but i love my daughter unconditionally. I am doubting a future with him now as I feel she is feeling uncomfortable and I have worked so hard to nurture my dc into the lovely child she is. But this is worrying me now. I don't want to bealone all my life, i can't let parenthood rule my own needs, but I feel sad that she feels this way when i have tried so hard. He's a great role model for her. Great humour and work ethic but if she doesn't feel a unit then am working towards something that will ultimately make my lovely dd an unhappy and resentful child.
Has anyone any experience or had to make a decision either way and feel own needs had to be sacrificed.