I have been feeling increasingly down about the relationship, or lack of, with my DP's mother.
Brief history - MIL is single, divorced for past 15 years and makes it extremely clear that she has no time for people (only her pet), and has lost a number of friends in the last 2 years (and before then, there have been various stories of people she used to know but no longer speaks to due to a falling out). Myself and MIL have only ever had one actual spoken dispute - where she wanted to come to the cinema with myself and DP on our last night together before he went to work abroad for 4 weeks (we had agreed to spend the day having lunch with her, but that wasn't enough). I simply said to my DP I would rather it was just us in the evening. DP agreed and said to his mum on the phone that it would be nice for it to be just me and him in the evening, due to us having not had a weekend together already at this point for 2 weeks (again due to work). MIL went crazy, she left her phonw on in her pocket without saying bye to my DP, and we could hear he speaking to her friend who she was on a walk with at the time of the call...saying all sorts about being sidelined etc. The reason I believe this was intentional (leaving phone on in her pocket) is because she has done it since when something has not gone her way and uses it as a way to guilt trip my DP by making him feel sorry for her. Not sure if DP realises this although I have highlighted it to him - he doesnt really comment either way. Anyway on that ocassion I called back and said she was more than welcome to come to the cinema and said myself and my DP did not want to upset her, and I said I had always thought me and her were friends...she replied saying i would never be a friend of hers, and that I cling to my DP and she doesnt like that. She said if something happened to DP when he was abroad, she would never forgive me.
This outburst was quite shocking to me and DP - DP was in tears. I knew MIL wasnt keen on me (something you can sense as a woman i guess), but i never thought we would have had a confrontation like that with her. The odd thing was that every 2/3 weeks we had seen MIL, usually when I suggested it to DP!!!
After that, while he was away, she sent DP emails saying I was clingy and needy and was holding him back with his career. DP was honest about the emails but hadnt defended me, merely ignored the comments completely. Whilst I know I can come across as clingy in person (we hold hands etc in public), I certainly dont hold my DP back in his career and I am definitely not needy...I have a good job and know my own mind and I am all for my DP seeing his friends and having hobbies outside me and him - her comments sounded like a random stab at me while he was abroad.
Anyway since that incident (a few months ago), things have always been a little icy, but civil, between us. At Xmas, MIL bought me a pair of socks and a Nivea lip balm...I am not one to judge gifts on cost as I feel that is very tacky, but it was obvious that no thought had gone into anything, and compared to the year before it was obvious she was making some kind of point (I havent mentioned this to DP as dont see the point and dont want to hurt him in this).
Fast forward to today, and MIL essentially ignores my existence. I am the sort of person who likes to get on with people, and I like to find common ground with people and emjoy having different types of people in my life. As such, although MIL isnt 'my type' of person, I was fully ready to get on with her and enjoy her company. As the weeks have gone by, I feel she is increasingly negative about my relationship with DP. She recently asked DP to move in with her, and when he declined, more recently said ' i dont know why youre not allowed to buy a place of your own.' (Me and DP are saving for a home - his choice as much as mine).
My DP is protective of his mum as he lived with her from a young age, and (IMO), MIL has always made DP's father out to be a very bad person...not something i can personally see, but is irrelevant now as DP has a good relationship with him. I have mentioned to DP that I feel uncomfortable around her, and he says 'shes just strange,' but it makes me really sad that is has to be like this.
Am I taking this too much to heart? realistically is there anything i can do? should i just shut up and be glad it isn't as bad as some MIL stories on here?
SORRY IT'S SO LONG!