Tell me why reading someone's email is bad!

[AT299]

I've NC for this. I've been seeing BF for about 6 months but, due to previous relationship traumas and personal issues, I'm very insecure sometimes and spend quite a lot of time thinking I'm not what he wants. I'm also quite nosey and don't like to think I'm missing out on something whilst he's quite a private person and doesn't tell me things because he thinks they are unimportant.

My problem is that I know the password for his email (I was chatting to him as he logged in and couldn't help but notice accidentally saw it). I keep telling myself that reading his emails to reassure myself that he isn't hiding things from me is a very bad thing to do but I need other people to also point out just how terrible this would be.

Weird question. It's a bad thing to invade someone's privacy and, while we're about it, it's also a bad thing to steal money, mistreat animals, drive drunk,......

Many years ago an ex girlfriend logged into my Facebook etc behind my back, I wasn't hiding anything but it was a massive betrayal of trust so I dumped her as soon as I found out.

Don't do it OP.

Obviously you mustn't do it.

If it were me I'd say to him you know what I saw your password the other day when you logged in and although I would never look I don't like knowing it can you change it please?

Don't know what your relationship is like though that would depend on how both of you are. I reckon I could get away with it and get temptation away without causing strife IYSWIM.

Agree it's not ok. Think of it as insisting that you are part of every phone or face to face conversation he has. That's just weird and stalkerish.

I would be furious if I were your bf and you did this to me. I also agree with the person who said it's a massive invasion of privacy for those people who are e mailing him. I can almost understand a point of view which says that if you confide in someone then they are likely to tell their husband/wife but you've been dating for six months! His friends are entitled to want to confide in him about money/sex/illness and not have you know.

Don't do it!

I know DH's email password, and he knows mine. I've never had the urge to have a bit of a snoop though. I remember the violation I felt when my mum found and read my diary when I was a youngster.

Good advice from others in regard to telling him you know his password, so he can change it.

Forget about privacy, it's illegal.

See here:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Computer_Misuse_Act_1990

Using someone's password and user name to access their email is an offence. I know this because an acquaintance's bf was prosecuted for various stuff like this - it formed part of a harassment case - but the email hacking resulted in a criminal charge.

6 months imprisonment or a fine according to Wikipedia.

Using someone's password and user name to access their email is an offence. . . without their permission obviously!

BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT YOURS.

Clear enough?

I totally get why you're curious. When I was very young and stupid I used to look through my boyfriend's text messages and what I read wasn't good. If you're going to do this, you need to be prepared for what you might find. Also, if you found something bad what would you do with this information? Confront him? Because he would then have just as much reason to be angry with you. Accessing someone else's email account is a massive breach of trust and smacks of possessiveness. How would you feel if your boyfriend was reading all of your text messages and emails? You'd feel quite violated and creeped out wouldn't you, or at least I know I would.

Plus as Self says, it's a criminal offence. He could, in theory, report you to the police. It's very unlikely it would go anywhere but is the potential for being arrested really worth it? Ultimately, you have nothing to gain from this other than causing yourself a load of hurt and making yourself look like a bunny boiler. Your boyfriend would probably dump you so you're risking losing your relationship as well. If he's doing anything dodgy behind your back it will come out eventually because it always does. Don't breach your boyfriend's trust in you otherwise you're just as bad as the men who have wronged you in the past.

I just came back to say thanks to everyone who expressed their horror at the idea of reading someone's emails. I'm going to keep this thread handy for when I have any mad thoughts in the future.

Perhaps it's worth asking them to change their password.

Don't do it. Once you start you won't be able to stop yourself.

If you get tempted, try taking the technology out of it and connecting it to other snooping behaviour that you might see more clearly as out of order. If he left you alone in his home would you open all his drawers and snoop through his stuff? go through whatevers in the bottom of his wardrobe? If you saw a pile of paperwork, bills, bank statements and personal letters - would you sit down and read through it all? That's exactly the same as going through his emails. How would you feel if he did any of those to you?