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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Confused & Hurt

8 replies

Help73 · 08/02/2015 10:53

7 years, 2 kids, lovely woman. Bang - all gone. We clearly had many happy times, but like any other relationship, there were difficulties. In our case, most of them were unfair on us.

Being homesick after our 1st baby, we returned to her home area. The relentless phone calls from the mother-in-law didn't help. Neither did she give us privacy for the birth of our first, driving 450 miles and presenting herself at the labour suite uninvited. I cannot forgive that - so selfish.

Our new home, in the country with a restricted bus service - neither of us are drivers - was a disaster. Despite stating the structure we needed, ie, regular bus routes, local shops, surgery etc - well this was ignored at the time of getting the house. I was away at the time, so it all fell on my lady to sort things. This was an abysmal fail on all fronts. Not one streetlight in the village, limited pavement - certainly not on our road - well how do you walk baby safely at night when you can't settle the child ?

I think there was some baby blues, not diagnosed as we moved when baby just weeks old. Frustration when bussing & baby needed fed as mother just would not do it - go to the back of the bus, nobody will see, I would say. But no, we had a screaming baby instead. I found that particularly stressful, as you know everyone is cursing you, and this is week after week. My stress disorder did not help matters.

As time went by, our baby became a fixture in her mothers arms. When asleep in the evening, I would ask her to put baby to bed, but to no avail. Baby ended up in our bed, I became regular fixture on sofa. Not good, not by choice. So I would go to pub come 9ish. After a day seeing how not to do things, my frustration for the day needed quelled. Some pints helped. Some times I went, other times I was sent out.

This was due to sleeping difficulties for baby - indeed she now has medication from the hospital, but for years we battled with doctors with this - how do you deal with life when baby sleeps only 2 hours and is then bouncing for the rest of the day. I don't mean just a few nights. Not months. Years. Believe me, a lot of stress.

Despite this, we were overjoyed to learn baby 2 was on way. During pregnancy, mother had migraines for days, then was much worse. As it turned out, she had suffered a bleed on her brain. So more difficulties. C-sectioned, no choice with that, beautiful baby arrives. Mother doing so well, you wouldn't know there had been problems. But she wasn't right. After many dr appointments, Fibromyalgia was diagnosed. Still we soldier on. However, the accumulative ongoing problems were taking there toll. The mother-in-law constantly phoning - maybe 5 times a week, at kids tea-time, irritated me no end. How selfish. She has been a mother, knows it can be difficult at food times, settling kids, getting them to sleep. What was she playing at? Why need info daily? Why not wait for her to be phoned? She can't see what is going on in our house, but we can. So we know when it is appropriate to phone and when it is not.

Ultimately, the cracks were to big and regular. Home was not as happy as it had been. Love had not gone, but the mood was not good for anybody. One day I was asked to go. Arguements out of nothing had frustrared me so much that I did go. My head & heart had not left my woman, but something happen. This was affecting my son from previous relationship, who was trying to get into uni.

So I became homeless. I left just about everything, took the financial hit - not helped by not working - but my attitude was if I took things they would need replaced, which meant mother would have less to spend on the kids. So I got my new house - put a lot of effort into it. Had the kids for Christmas which was lovely. Getting on better with the mum, which was great. We could talk better, and we were helping each other, laughed more, and we were semi -regularly intimate.

Then I am cold-shouldered. Out of the blue ignored, things being said which didn't sit right. I was asked to help her when she was sick, and did, I did school runs, shopping, fed kids, laundry etc etc. This meant I couldn't help a friend with something. He got really nasty about it, way to pushy for somebody looking after their family. Then it is clear following phone call from her. She said she had been seeing him. Would explain why, when road was closed to buses, he helped with school. But he had to be seen right at the school with her, as if a proper couple. His ex saw, there has been all sorts of playground ongoings. Not very clever or grown up. He is a ladies man, any bit of skirt is tried. I wish my woman would see this is just usage by him, whereas there is a true love from me. This makes life difficult - I cannot talk to her properly, but my kids are involved. What on earth do I do - I am so lost.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 08/02/2015 11:58

Sorry if you're struggling with the break up but I thin you're going to have put things on a more formal footing with your ex in order for both of you to progress. Access, finances and ongoing contact needs to be regular, reliable and preferably agreed in writing.

Referring to her as 'my woman', for example, is not acknowledging the reality. Who she sees and where she goes is entirely up to her, same as your life is your responsibility to conduct. Love doesn't switch off overnight but you have to help it along by creating some distance. Otherwise you'll be stuck in the past.

TheFormidableMrsC · 08/02/2015 19:56

Help73, I sent you over here and hope that you will get some good advice from the good women of Mumsnet (and men for that matter!). I have advocated counselling and I think for you to do that yourself first and foremost will be a good start. So make that appointment with your GP. I have been in your shoes with the non sleeping baby and it took me 2 1/2 years until I had a good nights sleep. It took its' toll on all of us so I totally understand where you are coming from with that one. I think you both have had an enormous amount of things to deal with, too much pressure and dealing with DD1 when DD2 came along. I would also set aside the "playground" issue. I really would. Deal with one thing at a time. Keeping the channels of communication open, perhaps also letting it be known that you are going to seek some help for yourself, is going to nothing but good. I know you are both lovely people and fantastic parents. Keep posting, even if it's only your thoughts...it helps to write things down. My thread has been a lifesaver for me. I hope that others will join here and offer you some support. I hear what Cogito above is saying but I know you're hopeful of a reconciliation...and while I hope that is a realistic prospect, getting yourself into a good place first means you are better placed to deal with things!

CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/02/2015 09:34

How lomg has it been since you were asked to move out OP? Because it sounds as though the problems in the relationship were rather worse than the usual stresses of taking care of small children and it also sounds like your ex is trying to create the distance I mentioned earlier. The PP mentions reconciliation but you can't force someone to like or love you if the feeling has gone. You can make yourself very miserable with false hopes, however. Better to get your own house in order, make the best of a bad situation, be a good father to your DCs and respect her wishes.

TheFormidableMrsC · 09/02/2015 09:47

You can't force someone to like or love you if the feeling has gone. You can make yourself very miserable with false hopes

Cogito, I totally agree with you on that one. It's very sad when that happens. I gather from this situation that things were improving until a third party got involved. Very painful for all concerned.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/02/2015 10:09

You seem to know the people personally. I'm reading this as an on/off separation - the OP said they were sleeping together occasionally - but now the exW has decided it's properly 'off'. That's not an unusual pattern, especially if there is some emotional instability in the picture.....dragging things out thinking it's kinder than a clean break when jt isn't. It just delays the inevitable. The OP in referring to 'my woman' is coming across as rather possessive, unfortunately.

Help73 · 09/02/2015 11:59

To CogitoErgoSometimes - "My woman" is a general term where I am from, as much as "my man". Whenever I say, for example, "All right my man" it does not mean any "love" between him and me - and in no way is it possessive. Hope that clears that up.

OP posts:
DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 09/02/2015 12:28

You are in a kind of limbo OP, feeling you'd almost got back on track but for your so-called friend. It's hard to switch off your feelings for someone you've loved and have a family with.

It is good to hear you have done all you can to stay close to your children, what you have to do now is take a step back from your ex and establish what level of contact with her, (outside of arrangements to do with the children) is best for you. I don't know what the time span has been but she has been seeing this other man and whatever low opinion you have of him, it really is up to her. Don't undo all the good work you have done with the children.

Help73 · 09/02/2015 14:16

The children are too precious to me to get drawn into anything unpleasant. They are beautiful kids, I am immensely proud of them - and they are innocent in all of this. I have them to stay at least once a week, more in holiday time, and I see them here and there as well. That won't change.

OP posts:
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