7 years, 2 kids, lovely woman. Bang - all gone. We clearly had many happy times, but like any other relationship, there were difficulties. In our case, most of them were unfair on us.
Being homesick after our 1st baby, we returned to her home area. The relentless phone calls from the mother-in-law didn't help. Neither did she give us privacy for the birth of our first, driving 450 miles and presenting herself at the labour suite uninvited. I cannot forgive that - so selfish.
Our new home, in the country with a restricted bus service - neither of us are drivers - was a disaster. Despite stating the structure we needed, ie, regular bus routes, local shops, surgery etc - well this was ignored at the time of getting the house. I was away at the time, so it all fell on my lady to sort things. This was an abysmal fail on all fronts. Not one streetlight in the village, limited pavement - certainly not on our road - well how do you walk baby safely at night when you can't settle the child ?
I think there was some baby blues, not diagnosed as we moved when baby just weeks old. Frustration when bussing & baby needed fed as mother just would not do it - go to the back of the bus, nobody will see, I would say. But no, we had a screaming baby instead. I found that particularly stressful, as you know everyone is cursing you, and this is week after week. My stress disorder did not help matters.
As time went by, our baby became a fixture in her mothers arms. When asleep in the evening, I would ask her to put baby to bed, but to no avail. Baby ended up in our bed, I became regular fixture on sofa. Not good, not by choice. So I would go to pub come 9ish. After a day seeing how not to do things, my frustration for the day needed quelled. Some pints helped. Some times I went, other times I was sent out.
This was due to sleeping difficulties for baby - indeed she now has medication from the hospital, but for years we battled with doctors with this - how do you deal with life when baby sleeps only 2 hours and is then bouncing for the rest of the day. I don't mean just a few nights. Not months. Years. Believe me, a lot of stress.
Despite this, we were overjoyed to learn baby 2 was on way. During pregnancy, mother had migraines for days, then was much worse. As it turned out, she had suffered a bleed on her brain. So more difficulties. C-sectioned, no choice with that, beautiful baby arrives. Mother doing so well, you wouldn't know there had been problems. But she wasn't right. After many dr appointments, Fibromyalgia was diagnosed. Still we soldier on. However, the accumulative ongoing problems were taking there toll. The mother-in-law constantly phoning - maybe 5 times a week, at kids tea-time, irritated me no end. How selfish. She has been a mother, knows it can be difficult at food times, settling kids, getting them to sleep. What was she playing at? Why need info daily? Why not wait for her to be phoned? She can't see what is going on in our house, but we can. So we know when it is appropriate to phone and when it is not.
Ultimately, the cracks were to big and regular. Home was not as happy as it had been. Love had not gone, but the mood was not good for anybody. One day I was asked to go. Arguements out of nothing had frustrared me so much that I did go. My head & heart had not left my woman, but something happen. This was affecting my son from previous relationship, who was trying to get into uni.
So I became homeless. I left just about everything, took the financial hit - not helped by not working - but my attitude was if I took things they would need replaced, which meant mother would have less to spend on the kids. So I got my new house - put a lot of effort into it. Had the kids for Christmas which was lovely. Getting on better with the mum, which was great. We could talk better, and we were helping each other, laughed more, and we were semi -regularly intimate.
Then I am cold-shouldered. Out of the blue ignored, things being said which didn't sit right. I was asked to help her when she was sick, and did, I did school runs, shopping, fed kids, laundry etc etc. This meant I couldn't help a friend with something. He got really nasty about it, way to pushy for somebody looking after their family. Then it is clear following phone call from her. She said she had been seeing him. Would explain why, when road was closed to buses, he helped with school. But he had to be seen right at the school with her, as if a proper couple. His ex saw, there has been all sorts of playground ongoings. Not very clever or grown up. He is a ladies man, any bit of skirt is tried. I wish my woman would see this is just usage by him, whereas there is a true love from me. This makes life difficult - I cannot talk to her properly, but my kids are involved. What on earth do I do - I am so lost.