New'ish relationship help

[Bob1970]

A bit of background I am 40's and divorced , started seeing someone I have known a while within a group of freinds last October. All going well both express how happy we are with the relationship , all good so far.

I have joint custody of my daughter (10) who she hasn't met yet so every other weekend we don't see each other , on these weekends she goes out with a group of friends and has quite a lot to drink which I knew she did when we met and I do also like to get out for a drink so not really got an issue with the booze. But while she is out she texts me early on then as the night goes on become more spaced out until nothing at all until maybe midday the day ...I see this comes across as not a big issue and I feel I do trust her, but due to the fact that my exw cheated it leaves me feeling quite insecure and overthinking what she might be doing when she cuts of the contact. I suggested not really texting each other and enjoy her night with friends but she says she wants to message me.

I know it's not her problem but mine so how is the best way to deal with this every other weekend before it becomes a big 'issue' ?

I am not sure what is becoming a 'big issue'? Her drinking? Your inability to trust her because she is not texting you every hour?

Si don't really want her texting me every hour ask said I would rather she just went out with friends and not message me but she says she wants to catch up as the night goes on. The issue is my issue about how I deal with the insecurity I keep feeling , maybe I am answering my own question

Perhaps have a look at this thread

Will do thank you

Could you switch your phone off? That's what I'd do.

Is it not a case where, as the nights wears on and the more pissed she gets, the less likely it is that she'll remember to text? I'd see it as an indication of drunkenness rather than possible infidelity.

She's pissed and unable to formulate a coherent text......it's hard when you've been cheated on. But you must make yourself get this right in your head.

We have had a chat this weekend and we have agreed to keep contact when both out and about down to home safe etc ... ( as long as it's not to late) . And I totally understand that this is my problem that will correct itself given time ...

No idea why you're focusing on the cheating. Aren't you bothered about going out with a pisshead?

I don't remember saying she was a 'pisshead' I think after working 10 hr days all week going out with the girls for a glass or two of wine is allowed ...

It's not nice when cheating has been a problem with an ex in the past and it is understandable you may feel a bit insecure. I would just like to say though that I have been on the receiving end of this. I like to go out and do like a drink. I will admit I do text at the beginning of the night then cut contact after I have had a few too many. This isn't because I am being unfaithful, I am just enjoying my night out. It doesn't mean Iv forgotten about my partner and it would be the same for any person I was messaging whether it be a family member or a friend. Then when I'm back in the world of the living the next day (normally around midday) I will be contactable again :) sorry to ramble but hope it's put your mind at ease. Also when he's out I say stop messaging and enjoy your night out! There is nothing worse when your out with a friend and she/he won't put their phone down as they keep texting their other half.

Thanks pop54 that's what happens , I think it's best if she enjoys her night without texting me , she says she gets 'soppy' and wants to talk but all it does is frustrate me when hours go by between responses...