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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Depression, job loss, will things get better?

16 replies

Ballstothis · 07/02/2015 18:37

NC in case this outs me.
Please help me get some perspective here... My DH is suffering from depression and is also about to lose his job. I was keeping it all together but now I just can't stop crying. I know there are people I'm worse situations but I feel like my world is falling apart. How will he get a new job with the depression and the fact that he won't have a good reference? I don't earn enough to support the family. We do have decent savings but I'd hate to see these get massively depleted. Will things always be this shit? Our relationship is really suffering and I just can't picture it turning around. Not sure what I'm asking for here. Just need to vent.

OP posts:
feelinghothothot · 07/02/2015 18:41

Why won't he get a good reference?

Original poster
Ballstothis · 07/02/2015 19:05

Performance related issues at work mean he's on a formal action plan and will almost certainly be let go in a few weeks time

OP posts:
aprilanne · 07/02/2015 19:31

balls .i am sorry to here this .my hubby suffers from bi polar/early dementia he is only 48 .but as far as work goes .if his performance is caused by his illness they cannot automatically sack him .he will be entitled to 6 months sick pay .before they can do anything .my hubby worked for same company for 30 years .only after 6 months can they make steps to let him go because he is unfit.first thing to do is go to citizens advice .or if you can afford it a lawyer .i know 6 months is not a lot of time but it will give you breathing space to see if he can recover .it probably is important to see lawyer the fact he is already on action plan .

CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/02/2015 19:40

Sorry things aren't going well. It's understandable that you're worrying about the future but I'd suggest that you don't cross too many bridges before you come to them.

The crux of the problem appears to be the depression. Has he been diagnosed and getting treatment? Is his employer aware of his illness? Is his bad performance directly affected by his mental health or is it coincidental? As with the PP, I'd be surprised if he could be sacked when he is unwell and suggest a lawyer could be a good move

DeckSwabber · 07/02/2015 19:41

is he getting help with his depression?

Original poster
Ballstothis · 07/02/2015 19:49

Sorry I left out loads of details. Not sure if the performance is because of the depression as he was only diagnosed a month or two ago after the performance process started. He is getting help for the depression and his work is aware of the problem but aren't taking it into account. The deadline for the performance process is the end of the month and they haven't mentioned extending this to allow for his diagnosis. As no improvement in performance has been made, they would be within their rights to sack him at the end of the month as this is what is in the guidelines, unless of course they need to take the illness into account?

OP posts:
Original poster
Ballstothis · 07/02/2015 19:50

We have family legal cover on our home insurance... Could this be any good?

OP posts:
Original poster
Ballstothis · 07/02/2015 19:51

Also hoping his manager isn't a mumsnetter...

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/02/2015 19:59

I think the legal cover on house insurance covers you if you are sued, not for something like an employment dispute. It would be well worth paying to spend an hour with a lawyer that specialises in employment. Companies are very, very scared of being the subject of an unfair dismissal case and a few letters could save his skin and your finances at the same time.

Original poster
Ballstothis · 07/02/2015 20:06

Oh balls I checked the policy and it says it covers employment issues but now I'm wondering if I misunderstood and this actually means issues with people you employ in your home? It's a bit vague.

Has anyone been through depression with their DH and come out the other side happy? I've only got bad experiences of depression, my DF suffered and committed suicide when I was young. DH's depression is nowhere near this but what I mean is does it go away or is it once depressed, always depressed?

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/02/2015 20:15

I think the insurance tends to be in case you get sued over things that happen in your home, yes. But please don't let that put you off seeing a lawyer.

People with depression can be stabilised & treated. Like most things, however, it required getting early diagnosis, good treatment and a certain amount of engagement from the patient. Like a lot of MH conditions depression can return but, with professional help, patients can learn to recognise early warning signs. I have a cousin who sadly suffers from paranoid schizophrenia. With the right medication and regular follow-ups, she has a good life, holds down a job, is about to be a grandmother etc. Before she was diagnosed she was in a hell of a state.

Sorry if your father's case ended in tragedy

MumoftheBoyandtheGirl · 07/02/2015 20:18

Not my DH but me. Last year I ended up having three months off work due to depression and anxiety. It was really bottom of the barrel for me and took me ages to even be able to get out of bed. I can't think of one trigger but there were some stress and PM issues involved too. I was on a temporary contract so I knew I'd have to get a new job. I actually applied and interview while off sick and was just honest. I got the job and I'm much better. I've had a wobble but I took a couple of days off and was fine again. It really doesn't mean the end Smile

MumoftheBoyandtheGirl · 07/02/2015 20:19

Sorry for the essay Blush

aprilanne · 07/02/2015 20:41

balls YES your house insurance should cover the initial appointment with lawyer our covers us .they just give you advice on what to do .if there would be a case for unfair dismissal .about tribunals that sort of thing .your hubby should get a doctor to sign a sick line .for just now they CANNOT sack you while ill .and they must take into account his illness .but if he not off on sick there attitude will be WELL YOU ARE NOT THAT ILL . i would phone your house insurance on monday and tell them you need legal advice .ours covers EVERYTHING except criminal activity .sorry to go on .but i know how this feels from your side

Original poster
Ballstothis · 07/02/2015 20:59

Thanks for all the advice everyone and for sharing personal experiences. I've checked the policy in detail and employment issues are definitely covered but it says for breach of contract not for grievances etc so I guess that needs to be established first. DH has been signed off for a short while but don't know what will happen when he returns to work. I'm trying to help where I can as his lack of motivation means he's just going with the flow and seems unwilling or unable to fight anything

OP posts:
aprilanne · 07/02/2015 22:22

hope all goes ok for everyone

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