Help me make the right decision

[Laughingmonster]

Ive been married for 17 years. Have 2 amazing dc.
Dh is an amazing father.
Sadly I feel he's not a great husband.
I had a really traumatic birth with dc1 coupled with a very colicy baby and undiagnosed pnd, it took me an incredibly long time to want to have sex again.

After the birth of dc2 I put on an incredible amount of weight which once again killed my libido. Dh was very patient during this time.
However I have since lost the weight and with it my confidence came back, and I would have though dh would have celebrated this with me.
Instead dh was quite happy to have sex once or twice a month.
During this time his career had taken off and he was under considerable strain and so I tried to be patient and understanding.

I've brought up how I would like a little bit of his time and attention. I think he is an amazing dad and every free moment he has is spent with dc.
It's not that he doesn't care about me it's that he's not at all affectionate or shows any want to spend time it's me or reinvest in our relationship. Any time I bring up our relationship dh standard response is that I need to be more supportive, I'm too vain. He has other priorities and I end up feeling even more resentful and angry.

About a year ago I met someone who started off being what I thought was a platonic friend. Turns out he had deliberately sought me out and for the last 3 months our relationship has become more and more flirtatious. Initially it felt harmless and fun. It was exciting to feel attractive and sexy again.
Whilst our relationship is not a full blown affair, it is an awful temptation. The OM is not someone who will ever become anything serious. But he is fun and flirty and makes me feel so good about myself

I love my family. I have deep respect for my husband.

So why am I so tempted by this eye candy.
And whilst I have tried to do everything I can think of to make my relationship with dh better if he won't make any effort for us as a couple I'm not sure what else to do.

In the meantime time I find myself contemplating a fling with the OM knowing it's wrong. Knowing that it will never lead to anything. Knowing I should walk away.

Please help knock sense into me

You're already a long, long way down the immensely popular baby steps route to an affair.

You have made all the decisions so far that take you aling that well-trodden route.

Only you can make different decisions, which you can do.

You are however not choosing so to do.

I think you are at decision point.

Which man or neither?

I can't answer that for you. But think it would be reprehensible if you continued to string two along.

Auntiestella I know this situation cannot continue.

I know what is the 'right' thing to do.
A year ago I would never have thought I would find myself in this situation and yet here I am.

The attention is addictive. How does one move on from that

Anyone?

Do you show him affection? Do you listen to him about his career and the stress he might be under? Do you think that maybe he stopped seeing you as a lover after all the periods of you being not interested in sex?

The fact that the OM deliberately sought you out is ringing alarm bells for me. Like maybe he can sense you're vulnerable.

Most women like flattery & attention. But there is a fine line between liking it & following it up. Maybe you need to lay your cards on the table with DH & tell him how close you are to leaving. You don't have to mention the OM.

Time to tell him your not fulfilled by both of you just being parents and neglecting your relationship. Ask him how he feels you can both start towards getting the balance back again...then see what he says.