A week ago DP and I were having dinner at his friends place. We were talking about our future plans to move to the "burbs", save for a house etc. DP and his friends are about 7/8+ years older than me (I'm approaching mid thirties) and are mostly already married with kids save for DP and one other who is single. During the conversation, DP said something like, "well now that most of [our groups] weddings are done..." at which point his friend interjected and said "Most! Well that sounds promising, that's progress for you!" in a half joking manner, because he has had a sort of reputation I suppose, for not having a relationship that has made it this far before. Anyway, DP then said "well we have to buy a house first!" And then the conversation moved on.
All fine, except we are at least two to three years from being in that position, and what he said has sort of thrown me because I guess I figured we would marry first, not least because after a few beers (I know I know) one night last summer he proclaimed he wanted to marry me and would get me a ring when he had his bonus (which he got at Christmas by the way) and now I wonder if he is stalling. We are doing fine as a couple otherwise, we are both at the stage of our lives of wanting to settle down and we get along well living together, love each other, want to have kids, all that stuff. Although we are both a bit reluctant to leave the city with live in and all its conveniences for life in a smaller town, we talk about how the benefits will outweigh the perceived negatives too. He is a good partner, messy and annoying at times but then so am I! We are a good fit and I guess I'm keen to get going on our lives together, we are not spring chickens after all, but I don't put any pressure on the him or anything, as I don't want to force anyone into anything they are not comfortable with.
My main problem is my last relationship I waited far too long (7 years) for someone who didn't want to marry me at all and it was so painful extricating myself from that. I don't want to get in that situation again, especially as I'm older now. I don't want to be late thirties before I realise I've done it again, you know? BUT, I am prone to catastrophising things, so am I over reacting? When I compare this relationship with the last one, it's not the same at all (ex couldn't even have a conversation about the possibility of marriage/kids). I had CBT before and during the end of the last relationship so I know I might be over reacting now and protecting myself by imagining the worst possible outcome but DP does have form for arriving at decisions without much discussion so I am somewhat concerned. Not in a nasty way I hasten to add, but he is used to just making decisions and isn't much of a talker when it comes to getting himself comfortable with some change in his life. An example would be when, a few months into our relationship, he out of the blue called me his gf without any discussion. Which was fine by me, but it's a funny way to ask/tell someone you're serious about the relationship I feel, although I was happy about it! It's like he has to get comfortable with things in his own head or something and then decision made, it just is, it doesn't need an announcement or anything. I'm not explaining this very well! I hope that makes some sense. Does anyone have any insight they can offer? My brain is mush and yours probably is too if you've read this epic post!