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Original poster

Is this wrong...

14 replies

Bendupray1 · 07/02/2015 07:19

Hey

I'm Ben, 34 year old guy from Essex... Came here to get some girls opinions. I don't need advice as I guess I will decide what to do here myself but I did want some honest opinions....

So here goes...

Married and together 15 years... 2 boys aged 7 & 5...marriage drifted apart some time ago if I'm honest and then I discover wife has been having multiple sexual affairs and some have been quite long term. I am genuinely gutted but accept that's it and we seperate. I feel over it now it's around 4 months ago and accept our marriage was effectively over years ago if I look back.

Now here's the problem... I don't go and enjoy my new single status by shagging around as all my pals suggest... I work hard and am planning hard for my boys future... I'll have them 80% of the time due to being able to work from home.. However I end up chatting to a mum of one of the boys at school... Single mum..

Chatting led to coffee and now here we are three weeks later and we have had one night out and are going out for dinner and drinks next week...we clearly like each other's company and we have had a little smooch

So she's single, I'm single.. Both have a little baggage but are sympathetic to why we can't just meet spontaneously etc.. We are in very similar situations... She has been single 5 months, me 4.

My wife still lives at home and will do for another 2 months. She has asked to bring someone home next week when I'm out for the night and to be honest I don't care.. I said it's cool..

My question is if I go for it with playground mum who is really getting into my head already and the world discovers in sag a couple of months..if you were my wife (will be ex wide as soon as) how would you feel...

I know there are the children but for this post I'm
Specifically interested in how the ex partner would deal with it...

All opinions welcome no matter how harsh Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
Bendupray1 · 07/02/2015 07:21

Sorry for spelling, typed it on a mobile and didn't note the text errors!

OP posts:
Galvanized · 07/02/2015 07:22

She has moved on so why shouldn't you. But where are the kids when she and you are bringing someone else home?

CountingThePennies · 07/02/2015 07:25

In my experience were children are involved, ex partners dont deal with the other person moving on very well.

Things are generally nice and amicable until one of then gets a new partner

RandomNPC · 07/02/2015 07:26

Yes, what's happening to the kids with all this?

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 07/02/2015 07:27

I think you should both keep your new relationships way away from the house until you live separately.

MuttonCadet · 07/02/2015 07:29

There is no reason for her to be unhappy about it, but sometimes people aren't logical.

I think the main thing is to try and be kind to each other during the split.

Original poster
Bendupray1 · 07/02/2015 07:30

I'm bothered because this girl is at the school.. The kids are in classes next to each other... It's a bit of a potential playground drama I fear!!

I don't bring anyone here... My wife asked and despite what's happened I don't really mind her bringing someone back..the kids won't be there..she's totally dead in my head. I don't feel anger, jealously, upset, nothing... But I don't want cat fights in the playground !

OP posts:
Original poster
Bendupray1 · 07/02/2015 07:34

To clarify I wouldn't bring anyone here and the kids won't be here when she does.

OP posts:
Vivacia · 07/02/2015 08:14

Women, it's "women" not "girls" Smile

Vivacia · 07/02/2015 08:15

"Cat fights"?

OP, if you don't want drama as you claim, put things on hold until you and your wife have separated.

SomethingWonderful · 07/02/2015 09:00

Seems to me you are being far more considerate in considering the impact of this on your wife than she would even contemplate being towards you. She has by your account moved on. You shouldn't feel bad about moving on either, particularly given the circumstances! Sounds as though you're both being careful about exposing new partners to your children, so what makes you think there'd be "cat fights" in the playground? Does your wife have form for this?

If you're really concerned why not bring it up gently the next time your wife talks to you about her new man?

She's treated you very badly indeed, I hope you go for it, you deserve someone too Smile

CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/02/2015 13:58

I've no idea how your ex would feel but wouldn't your new g/f feel a little awkward going back home with you when your wife's about? Dating people mid divorce is something plenty avoid because it can throw up all kinds of situations.

Norest · 07/02/2015 14:01

Have you asked your ex-wife how she would feel about you dating this woman?

Surely if she is at the stage of moving on and dating she won't be fussed if you do the same?

Twinklestein · 07/02/2015 14:53

Who cares how she feels, she didn't care how you would feel when she was shagging other people... Youre giving her far more consideration than she ever gave you.

I like being called a 'girl' btw.

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