My dh has just left .........

[mosschops30]

and it feels really weird. We didnt argue or anything, just a civil conversation about how things werent working. I suggested a trial separation, he packed a bag and went!!!! Says he will ring to let me know he's ok and where he is.

oh ((hugs)) Ive been there and its surreal. Are you feeling OK with it, apart from it feeling weird?

Oh dear. Sorry Mosschops. Do you have children with him? Did you discuss relationship counselling?

yes we have two children, and dh gave up relate after only 5 sessions saying he'd got all he could out of it (i thought it was going very well and this denial was the slippery slope back to where we are!)

I feel ok actually which worries me, at what point do I fall apart and cry every five mins?

All I'm worried about now is my early shift tomorrow and who will have the kids, how very selfish but maybe thats all part of it being surreal.

have you family nearby that can help. Maybe you feel at peace? Take some time to clear you head..

oh mosschops, I didn't realise things were so bad

does dh know you are working tomorrow? if he's being amicable, is it possible that he'll have them?

how are your children?

yes dh knows, but part of the problem is my working of weekends when he's off (which i have to do because i dont earn much as a student), I will ask my friend, my mum lives miles away.

Havent told dd, she thinks he's gone into work! ds is too little to know anything.

do you think I feel peaceful with it or is this just one of the many stages?

It was a stage with me... I expected DH to rush back in. After a while, I cracked. Different senario though ((hugs))

mosschops, am in same position. me and my dh just decided last night to split.
At the time i didnt feel upset, it was only today once i'd told and texted a few people that it sunk in , they were all phoning me in disbelief! feel sad when i think of my kids not having a dad around any more.
and the thought of having to leave this house to him whilst me and kids go rent a flat on benefits makes me pissed off!!

hope you will be ok

i'm not sure mosschops, may be the shock. frenchconnection is going through the same thing though, support each other. I hope you're both ok

i'm not sure mosschops, may be the shock. frenchconnection is going through the same thing though, support each other. I hope you're both ok

thats another thing to worry about, i know nothing about divorce law or who gets what. The house is mortgaged jointly but i dont earn enough to pay for it on my own ....oh i dont want to think of that.

French Connection hugs to you, we can get drunk on cheap wine and come on mn together

Oh mosshops, I am sorry to hear this.
I spoke to you a little while back (under a different name) when you had just returned from a w/e away & remember that you were going to give relationship counselling a go.
Really sorry to hear things have not improved for you.
Hope you are ok.x

yeah the whole house selling thing is my huge worry, i only work part time so dont earn nearly enough to pay the mortgage, we will prob sell house. am trying to be practical so will phone estate agents this week. we only bought this house 8 months ago!!!!
My kids are dd 7 and ds 2.5. my dd has a different dad just to make matters worse! how about you?

fc my dd has a different dad too, but dh has parental responsibility for her and she has his name.

i dont know what will happen at this stage. My gut feeling is to phone him and tell him to come home but i know that in x amount of weeks things would return to 'normal'

mosschops ((hugs))

OH mosschops

Sorry to hear this mosschops - been thinking of you.

Poor you. I think he only has to support the child that he is - 15% of his net pay unless he gives up work or runs away as many men do. Also if he clears out the bank accounts now (check) then you can apply for immediate maintenance from him pending agreement over that. If the house is too big you will have to sell and move to something smaller. If it's small enough for you and the chidlren usually you can keep it and if you earn less he may pay maintenance to you , unless he wants the chidlren to live with him in the house and you leave but quite hard to force that unless you're a house husband. If he doesn't pay the mortgage you could be made homeless so you may need to get soe urgent legal advice.

Sorry to hear that. Big hugs, know what you're going through.

My OH & I split a few weeks ago - hadn't lived together (that was the plan for within the next yr) but he wasn't happy with the distance.

Anyway didn't want to hijack, but I just felt a bit numb when he told me. Didn't feel like I would have thought I would. Haven't really cried more than a few tears. All very strange. Felt angry rather than upset if I'm totally honest.

I guess different people cope differently.

Poor you! Be very kind to yourself. Try out the trial seperation if you know what I mean. I am on my own wiht my son and it was an emotional rollercoaster for a while but we now have a fab little house and a fab little life. I would really suggest going to the Citizens advice who can help on all types of issues - best to know the facts rather than worry about what could be re. mortgage, tax credits etc. The very bestest of luck to you