Is this 50/50 shared care?

[Cubee]

STBXH is adamant we do 50/50 shared care. I disagree.

Two children, not at school, not in childcare.

Mon - Thu is same every week :

M: wake up at mine
I look after them all day
Go to sleep at mine

T: wake up at mine
I look after them all day
STBXH collects them at 6pm
Go to sleep at his

W: wake up at his
Return to me at 8am
I look after them all day
Go to sleep at mine

Th: wake up at mine
I look after them all day
STBXH collects them at 6pm
Go to sleep at his

Fri - Sun, week 1

F: wake up at his
Return to me at 8am
I look after them all day
STBXH collects them at 6pm
Go to sleep at his

S: wake up at his
STBXH looks after them all day
Go to sleep at his

Su: wake up at his
STBXH looks after them all day
Return to me at 6pm
Go to sleep at mine

Fri-Sun, week 2:

F: wake up at his
Return to me at 8am
I look after them all day
Go to sleep at mine

S: wake up at mine
I look after them all day
Go to sleep at mine

Su: wake up at mine
I look after them all day
Go to sleep at mine

If it matters he works M-F 9-5, I work T and Th eve and EOW. He does 40 hrs, I do 20.

Children are home educated which we both agree is best for them.

He says it is 50/50 because it goes off the night times. I say that is insane, seen as how I have them all day for 12 out of 14 days!

Sorry it sounds so complicated I haven't got a clue if it's 50:50 or not.

Does it matter? He's clearly an involved Dad, you both work, take care of DC - if they were at school it would be 50/50 - unless you want to give up more weekend time he's having them all the time he can, isn't he? Unless you want him to give up work...

On a practical basis it's obviously not shared care.

I think legally though shared care is based on 'nights' so he is right about that. When they work out child maintenance they look at how many nights the child spends with each parent, for example.

I guess if they counted days then parents who use full-time childcare wouldn't technically have custody of their own children.....where the children sleep is a better indicator of where they live/who they live with/who has responsibility for them etc.

Why are you asking?

If it's a maintenance issue, then tough (sorry! I don't mean it horribly) that's how it goes.

If it's irritation that you think you do more and he's claiming to do as much then I sympathise, but have to say - stop letting an ex press your buttons.

Lots of exes talk utter bullshit

I suppose it doesn't matter hugely. I just don't think our arrangement can be called 50/50, and it annoys me a little that he does. I also worry about the implications for Child Maintenance. The day to day expenses (food, travel, activities, classes) occur when with me. Them sleeping at his house doesn't negate the 3 meals at mine, travel with me, heating of my house, etc for the 18 hours of the day before they go. Not to mention the mental, emotional and physical emergy of meal planning, education planning, co-ordinating trips and visits, medical appointments. Money is not an issue at the moment, but I worry by saying we have shared care that he is sowing the seeds to reduce Child maintenance payments.

Just to be clear, I am not saying I want him to have them more! Wde get on well, and suppprt each other. He is a great Dad and it is clear he loves them.

I understand the nights thing in terms of children in childcare/at school, but we are not in that situation. I just think he should take that into account.

This isn't aibu by the way. It's not "too complicated". We are trying really hard to figure out what is best for the children. It is always going to be complicated. If you don't't want to read the post, then don't. But please don't make hurtful commemts for no reason. I'm feeling pretty upset and taken for granted. I didn't choose for him to up and leave out of the blue one day. I am so bloody reasonable with his demands all the time. I just wanted to vent a little and get some support. Thank you Outraged.

Thank you Canbinha. Yeah. I shouldn't let him get to me. I am just really sensitive about the issue. Which he obviously knows! Lol.

Well, if I've read it right you have an 8/6 agreement over each fortnight.
Is that specified in your divorce paperwork? (Statement of arrangements for children)
Don't give to that 8th night.
Used to be that 50/50 nights still meant maintenance payable to the RP, but if I understand it correctly, under CMS 50/50 nights means no maintenance.

You need to practice your non commital not listening "mmm" response for when he says it's 50/50. It's not. You don't need to prove it to him. Under your breath, tell him "no it fucking isn't, sunshine". But bright and breezy "mmm" to his face.