Scared of leaving abusive marriage

[Donatello68]

I have been with my DH for 23 years and we have 2 DC (aged 10 & 11). DH was reasonably behaved when I was working full time but, since DC have arrived & I started working part time, DH has become abusive & controlling. I am scared of myself and DC being shouted out and we live on eggshells. DC works away during the week which is great but, I dread him coming home. DH humiliates & belittles me at every opportunity - it is horrid. Have been to divorce lawyer and have had divorce petition drawn up. I now need to give my lawyer the court fees so that she can file for divorce. I first told DH that I was going to divorce him 18 months ago. After a horrible Chrustmas, I told him that I was going to divorce him after DC1 sat 11+. He sat 11+ on Sat. A few weeks ago, DH said that he would move out at half term. He is now pretending that everything is fine. Feel that he can't pretend when he is served court papers but, I am v scared. Current situation is incredibly stressful for me & DC and can't continue. Please help - I need to know that it will get better!!!

It does get better once you leave. Is he physically abusive or do you think he might be? Leaving is the most dangerous time so you need to be careful

He has never hit me or the children but, is verbally abusive. Am hoping to get everything sorted so, can tell the DC over half term. If it gets too bad, I can take them to friends.

Ok. have you got paperwork copied and somewhere secure? Make sure your phone is always charged and call the police if he in any way starts threatening you. It will help your case if you need to get him removed from the house or to restrict access in the future.

But you can leave at any time and go to friends. The divorce papers can follow. Please keep things under your hat until you leave.

If he works away during the week, can you serve the papers on a Monday, and then record his response and if he is abusive and threatening, report this, and get a non-molestation order or occupation order so that he can't return? You might want to speak to your solicitor about timings that might be to your advantage.

Delicious has hit the nail on the head. It's all about timing and you could use it to your advantage.

I think you need some back up. Even if he has never been physically violent before, there is always danger of things turning very nasty when you're dealing with an aggressive man. Please talk to Women's Aid 0808 2000 247 and ask their advice on how to go about this safely,

Thanks for your advice. I am dreading him getting the divorce papers but, if it is that or stay in an abusive relationship, I will have to go for it. DH got home from work this morning. He was home for half an hour when my DC1 whispered 'oh look Daddy goes away again in 2 days'. I said that he has only just got home and she said, 'well, you know how it is'. I think that my DC will be relieved when he's moved out!!

You and your children will be so much happier when he has gone for good. Do not take him back. I hate abusive men, get rid of the evil twat and reclaim your life. Stay strong.

Thanks Bettyboop!! Just what I needed!!