Online relationship?

[LosingTheWillToSkate]

Firstly, I'm not wanting to judge. I just want to get my head around this!

My dear friend has told me that she has been having an online relationship for the past couple of months. The guy lives a couple of hours away, so not a massive distance, but not exactly on the doorstep either. She says that she loves him and he loves her, they speak all day via text and email at work, on the phone every evening and by text throughout the night too. All the things she's told me have been very positive, and I can clearly see that she's beaming.

But can she really love him, and him her, before they've met in person? They have a weekend together planned in a few weeks and I'd just hate for her to have built a picture in her mind and be disappointed.

I won't be saying anything to her, as she is so happy lately (like a teenager) but want to prepare myself to support her as best I can, whether practically or emotionally

My friend fell in love with a man in the USA. I house sat for her the first time she went to visit him. They were married within a year and have just had their first baby having been together over 10 years.
Support her and make sure she tells you where she will be. She should check in with you from time to time to make sure she is accounted for and safe.
In the past people fell in love by snail mail! I think it's perfectly possible it's the real thing.
If it doesn't work out, I think you sound like the perfect friend to look after her and help her move on.

Having done internet dating in the past I agree with you that you just don't know someone and can't actually love someone before you meet them in person.

They may meet and still be attracted to each other, but who knows until they have met - just make sure when she meets him she's safe etc and be there for her if it doesn't live up to her expectations when they meet in person

Thank you!

I think her letting me know periodically that she's ok is a good idea and I'll definitely suggest it to her.

She really does seem very smitten. She showed me some of their conversations and it seems mutual for sure. They speak pretty much whenever they have free time, at least a phone call each day that she says is generally for an hour or so, they send photos all the time and have general chat a lot.

Like I said, I just don't want her to be disappointed if he isn't how she's pictured him. But it was good to read a positive experience. I've never had any experience of this sort of thing and just want to be there for her as best I can

Has she ever watched Catfish?!

I think it's one thing to have a connection with someone over the internet, but whether that's 'love' or friendship or whatever, will become clear once they meet in person.

As long as she knows you won't judge her if it turns out to be a terrible mistake and that you're supportive of her whatever happens, that's all you can do. i.e no big warnings, just get her to let you know she's ok from time to time, tell her you know it will be fine, but you're a worrier and you'd feel better if she texted you or something, so she doesn't feel like you're accusing him of being a nutter!

I went away with now DP for a dirty weekend early on. My DB sent a text asking me to reply with my childhood nickname as he was worried DP might have chopped me up and put me in bin bags It was kind of funny at the time, but while it was nice to know he was feeling protective, as a grown up, I made a decision based on my own interactions with him.

Sad as it is, we can never fully know someone, even people we've known for years can hurt us and betray us. Sometimes we have to take a leap of faith, so I hope for your friend's sake it works out well for her.

What's catfish??

I met DH online. We spoke for a couple of weeks before meeting in the flesh. It was nice to get to know someone first before meeting "for real". 6 years on we have a house, married & first baby on the way [smile

I probably should mention that I met my DP online! Talked for hours every night before we met. Four and a half years together, and I wasn't just after his kidneys to flog on the black market!

Catfish (the movie, not the TV series) is the true story of a young man who meets and strikes up a relationship with a young woman online, and what happens when he decides to surprise her with a visit. Very good indeed, and the ending is surprising. Can recommend it.

Will find this catfish thing and have a watch.

I think they've both been quite honest from what I see and I'm really pleased for her. He seems to be a decent sort and they seem to have a lot in common. Contact seems to be quite balanced between them too, which is a good sign I think?

Yes do watch it, although it won't do anything to put your mind at rest!

There was the original film and also a spin off TV series with other stories about people meeting online and what happens when they come face to face.

I should add that I also met my dp online so not against it per se, but I only messaged him once before meeting in RL so hadn't built up any idea in my head about what he'd be like.

The idea of getting attached to someone, only to find that I didn't fancy them in RL bothered me, so I only ever had a brief chat before meeting anyone.

I think it can happen. I met my current chap through OD in November last year. Due to work and the fact we are single parents, we have only actually met up in person about 8 times! However, we speak and text everyday and I feel I really know him. I am looking forward to when we decide our boys can meet each other because I think that's when it will be easier to see each other more as babysitting will become less of an issue.

I met DH online (on a forum not unlike this one) and talked online and on the phone for about a month before we met up. We've been together ten years now and have a DS. We told everyone we met in a pub because it was so WEIRD then but it's much less weird these days. He lived in Wakefield and I lived in London so meeting was difficult, but we did it.

But I agree with previous posters that until they actually meet in person they can't know for sure if there's any attraction.