seperation

[Cwtch12]

I have been separated since last April and renting a house with my two children. I left my husband has he is very controlling, it is his way or no way. The children see their dad when he has time off work.He thinks we should have equal access to the children. He thinks we should still go out as a family as if we are still together, when I say this is not fair to children giving them false hope he kicks off about not right to be living separate lives and we should go to relate to get back together.My daughters Birthday next week and he thinks we should all celebrate together. I dropped children with him today and as I said did not think this was a good idea about Birthday, he followed me to my car and stopped me getting in as I said our marriage is over. Not the first time I have said this.He said the car is in his name so he will take my keys,obviously I did not agree to this.If I want a divorce things will get nasty,he then sat in my car and would not get out until he had finished talking.The last thing he said before he got out was he is going to book Relate although I told him I am not going.I have been feeling upset all night about this. can anyone advise me about going to talk to someone,I Think I need to I have a full time job but finding it a struggle to go to work some days although I always go.Please any suggestions to help me.

Counselling with relate is never advised with an abusive man such as this - so no, do not go to any appointment he tries to bully you into.

You are quite right you don't spend time together any more.

I would call Women's Aid and then get yourself a solicitor and start the divorce. You do not need his permission to end this relationship.

You may find the Freedom Programme useful too. In person is good but you can do it online too.

www.onespace.org.uk/learning/

Well done him for reminding you why you left in the first place. Don't go back! And if he keeps on being abusive and causing scenes when you drop off the kids, you might want to look in to dropping them at a relatives so he can collect them from there.

Even if he genuinely wanted to get back together, he is hardly enticing you, is he?

You can also go to the post office and get an application for a replacement V5 log book in your name. This will transfer the ownership of the car into your name. Is the car shared? In his name does not mean his car, it depends what your arrangement was.

I'm going to suggest you contact Women Aid, tell them the story as you've done above and ask their advice. You're going to need a solicitor with experience of domestic abuse cases and, seeing as he's behaving aggressively and making threats, you may need police involvement.

You don't need his permission to start the divorce process and you don't have to do anything else he tells you either. Keep him out of your home and don't feel obliged to facilitate contact with DCs if it puts you at risk of more abuse.

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