Previously cheated on, helping him trust again

[sinningsaint]

Been with my new boyfriend for nearly 3 months now and so far it is going great apart from one thing, his inability to trust me. His past 2 relationships have both ended due to him being cheated on so it is understandable, but I thought by now things would have gradually started to improve but they haven't. Is there any way I can help him build trust in me? I trust him 100% and do genuinely believe him when he says he loves me but I'm worried his lack of trust will start to tear us apart if it carries on for much longer as i'm starting to dread going out without him and I don't want it to ruin my relationships with my friends. He is invited every time I go out but due to work commitments and low/no self esteem (that's for another thread) he never comes. So any tips on how to help him build his trust back up?

Same could be said of my relationship in the early days. People who have been cheated on are allowed to be hurt and if they are honest with their partners their partners will know. It natural be worried or dread youll do something open old wounds if you want the best for them and don't want to hurt them inadvertently.

I can't see anything in this thread that suggests anything other than normal reactions to a past. The OP hasn't said he's controlling in word or deed and is simply asking for advice on how best to proceed.

Well, the good thing is that the answer to 'how best to proceed' is the same whichever overall viewpoint you take.

He's a great guy who genuinely wants to overcome an issue and have a good equal relationship with OP? - the answer: Completely refuse to compromise for this issue. Go out, lead your life as before. Never adjust behaviour, friendships, social life for this. Take him at his word when he says he'll be ok. Look forward to, and expect, this period to resolve itself as he overcomes this problem. If he's genuine, this will be what he really wants and needs you to do, and it's what will help him - continuing with NORMAL life as an example, showing him that things will start as they mean to carry on. Not indulging his problem and making it worse by normalising it.

He's a controlling arse whose tactic to get under your skin is to play wounded bird? - the answer: Completely refuse to compromise for this issue. Go out, lead your life as before. Never adjust behaviour, friendships, social life for this. Take him at his word when he says he'll be ok. Look forward to, and expect, this period to resolve itself as he overcomes this problem. If he's a twat, this will soon expose him, and you'll have all the info you need to walk away. And in the meantime, you won't have spoiled your social life and become isolated from the friends you'll need when you tell him to stick it.

:)

Realise you're personalising this Joysmum because you were the depressed/mistrusting party once but no relationship should start out in a spirit of worry and dread. Nobody deliberately sets out to upset a new partner but that's quite a different thing to the level of anxiety indicated in the OP

3 months in? Give your head a wobble OP. You don't know him enough to love him and vice versa. This is far too much drama for such a fly by night relationship.

You can't be sure the cheating is the cause of the mistrust, some people are just paranoid and insecure. Given his incredibly low self esteem, I would say that's a more likely source.

You only have his word for it that he was cheated on, and sometimes people make that up to justify their insecurities.

Even if it's true you can't fix his issues.