Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I right to ignore SDD2

12 replies

DramaQueenDilema · 05/02/2015 11:57

Apologies in advance, this could get very long and drip feedy as there is just so much bollocks to wade through.

Right, a bit of background. SDD2 (19) stopped contact with me back in the summer, after I called her on some pretty atrocious behaviour. She has gone from being a fairly sweet (if slightly manipulative) girl, to an out and out nasty thing over the last two years.

Dh has always been a bit of a "disney dad" with her, does all the fun stuff, never says no, doesn't talk to her about poor performance and attendance at school/college, although shares his concerns with me in private. His ex made contact very difficult at first and DH learned not to rock the boat, we are all now paying for this!

SDD2 is very manipulative, tells so many lies and has really upped the attention seeking since the episode in the summer. Almost every week Dh gets a phone call claiming SDD1 (25 mother of 2 DD's) has said or done this, ex has done that, everyone is out to get her sort of thing, when in reality, it appears they all, including ex, have had enough of her lies and accusations and are no longer pandering to her.

So, this morning at 3.00am SDD2 phones DH, a real "yeah but, no but" disjointed rant claiming somebodys girlfriends, brothers, mates aunties, neighbour or some such waffle, told her that SDD1's partner is a "kiddy fiddler", apparently "everybody knows he was arrested for it before and is at it again with SGD1".

My immediate response is to call bullshit, this is just another of her attention seeking lies, but instead of being able to roll over and go back to sleep, I'm left thinking about what she has said.

Both of SDD1's girls have learning difficulties. Partner is the father of DD2. DD1 has severely delayed speech, poor concentration and understanding, she is statemented but I don't know the full diagnosis. DD2 has chronic health issues and in out of hospital, the only time that SDD1 is not with her DD1 is when she is in hospital with DD2.

SDD1 also has health issues and suffers with bouts of depression, she was totally devestated when her relationship with her DD1's dad finished. Unfortunately she doesn't feel complete unless in a relationship.

I'm left swaying between still calling bullshit on SDD2's claims, to thinking oh fuck, to be honest SDD1 is/was quite a vulnerable girl, as is her DD1. There are a lot of professionals involved in SDD1's life, social worker, health visitor, consultants etc, IF, big if, there were any truth to these claims, i.e previous arrest, would this not have been flagged up somewhere along the line?

I'm fucked off at being sucked back in to SDD2's drama's, back before the summer incident SDD2 had a "relationship" with a relative of SDD1's partner, by all acounts this lad was a "wrong 'un" and SDD1 tried to discourage the relationship. When it ended, SDD2 made allegations the SDD1's partner had threatened SDD2 and beat up his relative leaving him hospitalised, although there was no mention of this incident on her facebook page (she lives her entire life through facebook).

I'm sorry this is so long, if you were me, would you take any notice of these latest allegations, or just chalk it up to continued nasty drama created by SDD2?

OP posts:
Quitelikely · 05/02/2015 12:03

I wouldn't ignore this. I would contact the SW involved in the case and tell her that you have heard the BF has form.

They can have him police checked fairly quickly.

Can't you approach dd1 directly?

Vivacia · 05/02/2015 12:42

My initial reaction is that I'd leave it to your DH and his daughter. If your DH wants your advice, tell him to speak to the police to see if they have any concern with this man living with children.

DramaQueenDilema · 05/02/2015 12:49

If this had come from a more reliable source, I would have no hesitation in contacting SDD1 directly. We live a couple of hundred miles away, so no chance of overhearing local gossip, it will be obvious where this had come from.

Sdd2 did say she hadn't told her mum or anyone else, so I'm wondering whether to phone her mum and get her take on this?

OP posts:
theendoftheendoftheend · 05/02/2015 12:49

You or your DH can make an app to the police under Sarah's Law, they'll do checks, any previous concerns/convictions etc will be noted and SDD1 contacted and informed and support put in place if necessary. Might be a way forward? You can request SDD1 not be informed you/DH made this application too.

DramaQueenDilema · 05/02/2015 12:50

Vivacia DH is firmly in the "who ever told you this is lying" camp. Obviously thinks there is no truth to it, but still can't admit that possibly his little angel is the devil in disguise.

OP posts:
DramaQueenDilema · 05/02/2015 12:56

theendoftheendoftheend Really? I didn't know that, I assumed only the new partner would be able to apply for that info.

I will have a look at this, possibly a cowardly way out, but I don't want to upset SDD1 over what is hopefully probably malisciousness on her sisters part, neither do I want to be left with a niggling doubt about an hopefully innocent lad.

OP posts:
Vivacia · 05/02/2015 12:57

Your step-daughter and her mother are adults. Leave. Them. To. It.

theendoftheendoftheend · 05/02/2015 13:09

Anyone can make the app, but only the childs guardian would be provided with information (if there was any to provide). If you look up Sarah's Law or Child Sexual Offences Disclosure you should be able to find the info.
I guess it may seem a bit cowardly but its one way or ensuring all safeguarding is covered/dismissing any rumours/peace of mind! Without actually becoming 'involved' IFYSWIM

Countyourchickens · 07/02/2015 09:45

I never knew that you could do that with Sarah's law. If that's the car, I would go for that option. Doing nothing wouldnt sit well with me.

Whereisegg · 07/02/2015 10:17

I think not doing anything is not an option.
Do you know partners full name? Google him if you do, Sarahs Law if you don't.

If you do nothing and sdd2 is right, then the consequences are catastrophic.
If you check him out and she's wrong/lying, then there should be repercussions within the family to make sdd2 think before she speaks next time.

Linguini · 07/02/2015 11:23

I agree with where is egg
You can't go around accusing someone of that, without consequences. Tell her you are going to the police with this information. Then report it.

NerdyBird · 07/02/2015 19:55

I do think it would be worth you or your DH talking to SDD2 again in the cold light of day to see if she sticks to the story. You can also Google him, and check out what you can do under Sarah's Law and decide from there. Perhaps asking for advice from the police might help too. It's a very difficult position to be in.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread