Long time lurker, etc, and don't know if I can tell this story succinctly.
For background, H has always had a bit of a horrible streak. Strange role models for relationships, angry streak, really nasty (EA I guess) side, snaps inexplicably. A chauvinist attitude (doesn't clean, makes a horrendous mess whilst claiming to be a germaphobe), doesn't parent on any level bar financially, is often disrespectful. When we married, the good outweighed the bad, & I felt that when these things reared their head, I could deal with them - almost like defects in an otherwise tight relationship, if you will.
However, we've had a really horrible marriage for a long time. I've often thought I should leave as his nastiness became unbearable. We have 2 girls (almost 3 & almost 1), one with suspected ASD. He'd tell me I'm a shit mother, ASD symptoms my fault/doing etc. I felt, frequently, that I'd reached my limit and wanted out. Tried once, he told me he'd call police, say I was unstable & children were at risk, & SS would make me leave them. Long story short, I backed down.
In August, I caught him meeting up with an ex, on 2 consecutive nights. Without exaggeration, he told me 5 different stories to explain his whereabouts, each time I disproved him, & didn't tell me the truth until December, when it eventually got through to him that I was still affected by it.
To the current issue:
Sunday night, 10pm ish, he had a missed FaceTime call, came on screen as 'Jocelyn'. He claimed she was a new member of staff with questions on closing procedure at a restaurant we own. Very obvious (& proven) to be a lie. He then blocks her number, & deletes his call history. Trying to cut long stories short here, this morning I intercepted an email from her (I know!) in reply to his suggestion to them meeting - pet names, the works!. Sent them both a response, which I can copy & paste, letting them know I'd discovered them.
So, he tells me 'the truth' (although she panics and sends me a number of emails that leave gaping holes in his story), he's sorry, real reality check, they met on some seedy site and he vows to stay away from them, etc. He assures me I know all there is to know, no more secrets. Although the female in all this later reveals they met twice - one chance meeting and one more professional. By this, she means that she is a prostitute and their 2nd meeting he paid her for.
I genuinely believe, based on her story and his, that there was no sex. However, he's lied & deceived so much that it's almost immaterial. I feel he's destroyed everything - our marriage, me as the person I was, and our children's future. So why can't I find the words to tell him it's over?