How to stop letting toxic people play on your mind?

[PonyoLovesHam]

I suppose this could be anyone toxic, for me it is specific people (PIL, cliche?!)
I have distanced myself from them as best I can, but keep finding myself dwelling on certain things they've said or done, and lies they've told and replaying them in my head.

I am a bit of an 'over thinker' anyway, but I really want to try and stop dwelling on these things and focus on more positive things.

Has anyone done anything similar? Especially when the toxic people are still involved in your life, so on going issues and problems can occur.

I do this constantly, gets worse if he is coming down for a visit-to the point that I can't sleep because I am constantly replaying stuff in my head and thinking of scenario's working out what my cool, calm responses to things he does can be. Sets my anxiety off worse about his visits too :/ (in my case it's my Bil).

I do try and make an effort to try and think about other stuff, so when I start overthinking I will internally say so myself 'stop' and think about something else-my thought train does dwindle back though which is annoying :/

Sorry not much help, be interesting to see others strategies.

I'd love to know the answer to this. Enduring it until it lessens is the ony way I've ever found but there has to be something better! I suppose the other thing that helped is to acknowledge how much the shit hurts. Eventually it lessens.

The breakthrough came for me when I realised that I only get upset because I care what people think. The key thing I've worked on is trying to trust myself and my decision making. It took a lot to make me go NC and I needed to keep reminding myself why so I could see them for what they are and be dismissive of their opinions.

A head tilt, smile, and an inner voice saying, 'yes well you would say/do that wouldn't you because that's exactly what I've come to expect' worked wonders for me.

I can hand on heart say that I'm beyond their reaches now because I don't value them at all and have gone past the hoping they'll change stage. Water off a ducks back.

I wish I knew the answer.

I have good and bad days/weeks. This is a bad week. Which means I'm also comfort-eating.

You'll never understand what motivates them because you are not toxic. Be thankful you've identified them, and pity them. Read the poem 'Do it anyway' and the Serenity Prayer.
I'm not religious but I find them both to be wise and reassuring :)

Eventually you do stop thinking about them so much.

It's taken me 3 years of no contact to stop the thinking.

I manage to control it by refusing to give him power over me. By working on my self-esteem and confidence (ongoing) and putting as much energy into my life rather than him taking over my mind and energy.

I'm not sure I could have done this if I had to see them.

I love "Do It Anyway". Also not religious but it hits home. I need to give it a quick read now, in fact.

Thanks everyone. Interesting responses.

Tiki sorry to hear about your bil. Your situation sounds similar to mine.

Meerka yes enduring works but then I have to see them again (I don't go to them but they come to us) and that starts it off again!

Joys I care a lot what people think about in some way, and in other ways I couldn't give a shit if that make sense? I will remeber the inner voice, that is SO appropriate for them

Sorry your on a bad week Norm :( hope it improves for you.

Seren I am off to google soon, and your post really made me think "of course! I'm not toxic like them, I'm nice!" :)

Rinky that's exactly what I need to do, focus on me and my confidence and not their negative shit.

I think because I have to see them, even if it's only for a little bit when they come here to visit, it's difficult. Because I couldn't go nc, they're not parents if you know what I mean.
Also, it's not like they're really horrible nasty people on the outside, they can be fake and charming but you're walking on egg shells around them and eventually they'll start making little comments that I'm still pondering months later

Oh I like the mother Teresa poem! So apt. Just read the serenity prayer too, I'm not at all religious either Norm but it works for me.