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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Advice/Reassurance please

37 replies

passthenutella · 04/02/2015 17:58

This is my first relationships post. Bit of background, I've a usually wonderful DP who looks after me, cooks, hoovers, everything and I really can't fault him. We live together and im 37 weeks pregnant. Since I've been pg he's been great and hardly goes out, when he does he keeps in contact and gives me no reason to worry.
However last night I was on our laptop and he had left his Facebook logged in. I seen a message to his friend saying "if passthenutella asks then I went home with you". This was a night last summer where he was out while I was away on a girls weekend. I don't know if it's hormones but it's been playing on my mind now and im unsure wether to say anything as it's possibly innocent and I don't want to look like I was reading his messages. only reason I seen this was because he rarely fb messages this friend so it was visable without clicking. I wish I'd never seen anything.. I'd never ever even think of checking up on him before. Please someone tell me I'm just being silly.

OP posts:

Vivacia · 04/02/2015 21:03

I'm not sure how we can advise LTB or SWTB at this early stage

Original poster

passthenutella · 04/02/2015 21:13

I know no one knows how they would react to a situation until they are in it. Yous have all gave great advice and gave me a bit of perspective. I'll just have to see what happens. Im going to talk to him tomorrow about it when I'm (hopefully) a bit calmer and more ready for it. And hopefully it's something we can get over and just get on with.

OP posts:

BuzzardBird · 05/02/2015 10:50

It could just be that he went to a party then? You will drive yourself round the bend with stress if you don't just talk about it.

pocketsaviour · 05/02/2015 10:56

I can think of a lot of relatively innocent explanations aside from he banged someone else.

He stayed out til 6am drinking and was sick in the gutter
Went to a strip club
Went to a casino and wasted his money
Got arrested (but not charged) for drunk and disorderly
etc...

OhMjh · 05/02/2015 11:24

I went through the same scenario with DP and tore myself apart with all the things he must have done.

Turns out he drank half a bottle of vodka at a works do, made a twat of himself by trying to dance on the bar and ended up sleeping in a bus stop.

Original poster

passthenutella · 05/02/2015 14:36

Thank you all for your replies. The mn support is great. Quick update.. Couldn't keep it to myself last night and just blurted it all out. Turns out to be something completely harmless and I had myself worked up about nothing. Feel so much better today so glad we talked. So happy girl today :)

OP posts:

Vivacia · 05/02/2015 15:20

Glad that it turned out ok.

MadgeMak · 05/02/2015 15:29

What was his explanation?

hellsbellsmelons · 05/02/2015 16:23

Wow - quick resolution.
Very glad to hear it.
You can move onward and upward.

BeeRayKay · 05/02/2015 16:43

glad Its all ok

but yes, very curious about his explanation...

Quitelikely · 05/02/2015 19:27

Tell us what he was up to then? I love a happy ending

newnamefor15 · 06/02/2015 11:48

Good, I'm glad it is sorted out.

I have zero tolerance for being lied to - because if they haven't done anything really 'wrong' then they don't need to lie. So I think if they lie, they must have done something really wrong.

However...I'm going back to the controlling thing raised earlier. The reason men don't need to lie to me about silly things is that I don't give a shit if they do them. I don't care if you got pissed, stayed out all night, blah blah blah...as long as you aren't breaking the law or getting too friendly with another woman you can do what you like.

You were thinking maybe it was something innocent like going to party and lying to you because he knew you wouldn't like that. It turns out to have been something harmless but he still felt he needed an alibi for it. Have a think about whether you want your relationship to be one in which one person may feel forced to lie about harmless activity because of the reaction of their partner.

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