I really need some help, am totally confused about who is in the wrong here and my mind is going crazy.
DP and I have been together 7 years - we have an 18 month old son. He has always been a bit of a party animal (staying out all night, drinking too much, taking cocaine in the past - all things I disagree with). He promised that would stop when we had our son. It hasn't - if anything it has got worse (although he swears he has stopped the cocaine). He is on anti depressants and has a bad relationship with his Father. He did this 4 years ago it resulted in me having an EA which I know is inexcusable but I was telling him every week that I didn't want to be with him and to leave and he was ignoring me. He would disappear for days on end, message me in the middle of the night saying he was going to kill himself and I'm ashamed to say I allowed my head to be turned by someone who promised he would look after me.
Our sex life is non existent and has been since our son was conceived, Im so angry with him all the time. Im also petrified of having sex after a traumatic childbirth. I probably need counselling. Im trying to get more intimate by initiating massages etc just so that I can learn to be close to him again but I just freeze.
I cant take the staying out anymore. It happens maybe every week to 10 days. Last Friday he went for a curry and didn't come home until 2pm on the Saturday afternoon. He said his drink was spiked with LSD. Last night he went to watch the football and came in at 7am. I was furious - I have to leave for work at 6.30am. He says he is with friends but I think he lies. I ignore him, cry, shout but nothing works. He doesn't answer his phone when I call.
He has not earned any money for the last 6 years - I have paid for everything. His business if finally doing well and whilst he is now paying his way, he thinks it is Ok to blow several hundreds of pounds a week on designer clothes for himself (£400 shoes etc).he is not contributing towards the debt I got into when he wasn't earning and keeps on saying he will but nothing comes of it.
His behaviour is affecting his work. It also affects our son as he keeps on not taking him to nursery and keeps him with him all day.
Today I was furious. Our cleaner turned up and couldn't do the cleaning because he was still in bed at 9.30. He knew she was coming. He refused to speak to me on the phone.
He called me an hour later and said his sister had been sectioned for attempting suicide. This sister is one he has disowned and he has not spoken to for 3 years. I wasn't tactful and said that I wanted to talk about us now and not later. I admit I should have been more concerned about her but I was just so angry, frustrated and upset at him staying out all night that I wanted it to be about me/us - not for him to use that to make me forget what he keeps on doing. I was obviously going to ask about her during that conversation but it didn't go that far as he said that I should let it go and he needs to focus on his family (which I know he needs to do) but I just feel so broken.
He hung up on me, saying he needed to take a call from his nan. I didn't believe him so I called her to see if she was on the phone and she was. he got call waiting and told him and he asked if it was me - I acknowledged that it was (I wanted to be truthful). He says that I am disgusting for calling and interrupting his nan.
He now wont talk to me and my head is spinning. I just feel so lost.