I think my friend is being abused

[sneepy]

If you thought a friend was being abused and it was affecting her children, what would you do? She won't leave him and the abuse is not physical (I don't think.)

If you know for a fact (direct report from the child or seen with your own eyes, not hearsay or guesswork) that children are suffering either emotionally or physically, and if the adults responsible for them are allowing the suffering to continue, then contact Child Protection or the NSPCC

Their gas has been turned off. He is refusing to do anything or let her do anything about it. It's been a few days. There's lots going on, this is the one thing I know for a fact.

If the children are living without any heating at this time of year I would report to child protective services. Its freezing here.

I think before you go speaking to any recognised bodies you need to speak to her - I don't think its OK to speak to someone about their family without speaking to your friend first.

I'm also not sure if I'm overreacting--if my boiler packed in we could maybe have week without heat or hot water. They've only been a few days as far as I know and she says they have the money to sort it but he is refusing to pay. He might change his mind (he's capricious that way) and then it would be turned back on. I really don't want to call children's services over nothing.

Other than the gas what else is going on?
Can you talk to the children alone and get their side of the story.
You don't need to discuss it with your friend first if you want to report.
Especially if you want to remain anonymous!

I agree that a boiler breaking in itself isnt a CP matter, but they way in which its handled could be. For example, have they brought in other heat sources to keep the children warm? (e.g. borrowed electric heaters, keeping hot water bottles topped up at night, extra blankets/ duvets, etc?)
The fact that you believe that the abuse is effecting the children means you're not over-reacting, and by reporting to professionals they can assess how bad it is. This might be the push/ support that your friend needs to get herself and her children out of this abusive relationship.

So they still don't have heat or hot water. She's boiling water to bathe the children and has an oil heater.

I think I might be the only person who knows about this so if I report it she'll know it was me and she's quite skittish already eg I offered her to bathe at mine and she said it wouldn't be a good idea. I'm afraid she would cut me out then be even more isolated. It's such a hard situation.

Well I have done it now. I saw something quite upsetting and I reported it to the school. I feel sick, cant believe I have meddled in my friend's life like this.

You did the right thing it wasn't a spur of the moment descision, you thought about it and did something to protect some children.

No one minds checking things out if you think things need to be checked by someone else you absolutely did the right thing. Well done for sticking to your principles.

Your friend might not see this point if view immediately but she will in the long run

You haven't meddled: you have taken a step to protect vulnerable people.

I understand that it feels like a transgression.
But you were prompted to do it by what you saw. Trust that instinct.

I don't know what you've seen - and it's better if you don't say, I think - but based on the incident in February I think you've done the right thing. There was clearly more to it than 'just' the gas being off, as anyone normal in that situation would have jumped at the chance to have a bath or shower at a friend's house. Clearly something pretty coercive was going on.

You aren't meddling in your friend's life - she's free to do whatever she likes. You are speaking out where you feel her children may be harmed. We all have a responsibility to protect vulnerable children - you only have to think of some of the more prominent cases to imagine how many people knew something wasn't quite right but didn't want to interfere. You did what you had to do.

No I won't say what I've seen. The children are vulnerable, there's nothing they can do about their own situation. The person I spoke to said it did need looking into and I wasn't overreacting. I still feel like a jerk for doing it though.

No you weren't leave someone with more experience to decide what to do - think about it thus way if your children were vulnerable would you want someone to look out for them if they could?