Grown apart and building a new life.

[buildingbricks]

I feel like after 13 yrs together I have grown apart from my husband. I am now mid thirties and feel like I have grown in to a different person from the needy girl he met.

But I feel so guilty and bad that I now want my own life with our Daughter, I feel that separate I would be happier, relaxed and more content, but the flip side is the guilt of ending things for no other reason than the growing apart.
There are other minor issues but compared to some stories nothing terribly bad.
I feel like I want to start socialising, meeting friends etc again, this is something I haven't done in years. But the guilt is terrible.

Why don't you socialise and meet friends? Why are you unhappy and anxious? What are 'other minor issues'?

When a marriage isn't working, it isn't working. No-one is necessarily to blame and there doesn't have to be some massive cataclysmic event to warrant bringing it to an end. Have you spoken to your husband about how you feel? For all you know, he could be as miserable as you are.

I don't socialise as he isn't keen on the idea of me out alone, I get anxious as he can get sulky and this makes me nervous.
Other minor issues are just the differences, I am keen to progress work and travel, show my daughter as much as I can, he likes to be at home, not keen on any kind if reliable job either!
I think I just need to try to get to the person I once was but I fear if I do that will really speak the end.

Just from that brief description I would say that you owe it to yourself and your DD to get away from what sounds like a pretty miserable man. Someone who prevents you from going out is not a caring person but a controlling one. 'Sulky' I expect means silent treatment, passive aggression, maybe even intimidation.... again it's controlling. And the reason for this control is that he is a small, lazy man with no ambition and he sees your enthusiasm for personal development as a threat. A good husband would be at your side, helping you to succeed and supporting your dreams.

If your DD one day brings home a workshy boyfriend that controlled her, crushed her spirit and made her stay home, what would you tell her to do?

One way of not feeling guilty is to talk open and honestly with him, and give him time to absorb, reflect, and respond (when I say time I mean say a year)........The best relationships are when we allow ourselves to be changed by each other...

In the meanwhile start baby steps towards living the life you want, without closing the door to him.

One way of not feeling guilty is to talk open and honestly with him, and give him time to absorb, reflect, and respond (when I say time I mean say a year)

Personally I wouldn't waste another year of my, and my DDs, life....but its your choice; your life.

You're sure as hell not going to get the life you want for you and your DD living with controlling Mr Sulkypants.

People do outgrow each other, there doesn't have to be abuse or infidelity, you can fall out of love just like you fall in - be true to yourself and him and your child, there's no reason why you can't separate amicably, then again, if he likes to sulk then it might not be that straightforward but don't stay in a relationship that isn't making you happy, you know yourself what you need to do, sounds like he holds all the strings.

Thanks everyone for your input, he can be quite difficult, he is not long home and in a mood, dinner is binned etc, probably due to lack of weed!