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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Do you think these are normal favours for a friend or a bit much?

32 replies

youngerdays77 · 03/02/2015 00:04

At the weekend DH went to pick up my parents and on the way went on an hour detour to pick up something for a colleague of his from near where they live and he's done a few similar things for her before as well.

Do you think that sounds normal or that he's trying a bit hard or she's taking advantage of him? He does do favours for people but not normally so out of his way.

OP posts:
TendonQueen · 03/02/2015 00:07

If it's happened several times then I think either she's taking advantage or he is being too easily persuaded to help out. Is there some compelling reason why she couldn't pick the stuff up herself?

ColdCottage · 03/02/2015 00:09

An hour detour for a friend let alone a colleague seems a lot unless it was a crisis.

53Dragon · 03/02/2015 00:11

This is a friend not just a colleague

AlpacaMyBags · 03/02/2015 00:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fuckmath · 03/02/2015 00:17

It's the sort of favour I would probably only really consider for my best friend or family - certainly not for a random colleague

BrieAndChilli · 03/02/2015 00:20

I think we need more info.
How
Far away do your parents live? If they say live 6 hours away then a detour of an hour wouldn't be as bad as if they lived 30 minutes away
what was he collecting? If it was a specialised wheelchair for her child that's a lot different than popping to a designer shop to pick her up some shoes.

Original poster
youngerdays77 · 03/02/2015 00:23

My parents are about 2 hours away and he went another half hour on and back for her.

Think the latter rather than the former, it wasn't that important

OP posts:
badbaldingballerina123 · 03/02/2015 00:26

There's a big difference between being willing to do favours for friends and just being a mug.

Whether she's a colleague / friend or not I wouldn't be happy. That's an hour of family time gone along with petrol. Not to mention why he wants to do these things for her.

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 03/02/2015 00:27

Well it's obviously ringing alarm bells for you.

So go on, what's the story with this colleague? Is she new on the scene? Has he got a bad case of 'mentionitus'? Why is it bugging you?

Original poster
youngerdays77 · 03/02/2015 18:30

I don't know that there's any story there's no mentionitis I don't know much about her he just really casually says 'i'm going to pick this up for x' and that's it.

Bugging me a bit now because it's been a few times and it's more than a 5 minute thing each time he's really putting himself out for her

OP posts:
worrieddadof2 · 03/02/2015 18:40

Unfortunately most people will judge these situations based on their own experience. So from my point of view, if its not normal behaviour & gut instinct is telling you to be wary, then you need to dig to find out more.

Joysmum · 03/02/2015 18:43

This week I drove 20 miles and took 1.5 hours out of my day to help a stranger on a facebook group. I'm naturally a helpful person and my dh would think nothing sinister of me trying to help a person either sex.

Why are you feeling the need to do a thread on this?

Original poster
youngerdays77 · 03/02/2015 20:49

I just want to know if it's a normal thing I guess

OP posts:
PamDooveOrangeJoof · 03/02/2015 20:53

I think you've answered your own question. It's obviously not normal for him else you wouldn't be asking.

Does sound a bit off. How many times and how much effort involved? Is there anything else causing you concern?

ITHOUGHTISAW2ANGELSAHEADOFME · 03/02/2015 21:31

I would be peeved if my dh did this. And tell him you will go with him next time. Have u met her and do you know what her character is like?

mooth · 03/02/2015 22:05

Sounds dodgy.

SlicedAndDiced · 03/02/2015 22:07

Danger, danger Will Robinson.

Hairtodaygonetomorrow · 03/02/2015 22:11

My husband would do this, but then he'd drive out of his way to help anyone, young or old, he also goes round mending their computers and is generally a very helpful person. It is as likely to be for an old gentleman as for a younger attractive female though, so I wouldn't be remotely suspicious unless this was unusual behaviour for him.

catzpyjamas · 03/02/2015 22:13

SlicedAndDiced "Danger, Danger..." made me Grin!! Not heard that in a very long time...

Xmasbaby11 · 03/02/2015 22:16

My dh would do this. He's very kind. I wouldn't think twice if he did it. only you know if it's out of character.

Ouchbloodyouch · 03/02/2015 22:24

I'm kind.. really kind.. but I wouldn't do this. That's me though.

catzpyjamas · 03/02/2015 22:28

OP, would your DH do this for one of your friends? My DH will happily help out my friends, his colleagues and family members. Harder to get him to help me sometimes though.

OberonTheHopeful · 03/02/2015 22:50

I would do things like this, and have many times, even for people who aren't especially close friends.

QuintlessShadows · 03/02/2015 22:59

Well, he drove a 4 hour round trip to fetch your parents , why not ?

Will he drop them back too? Or will you do that? No chance of you doing favours for his colleagues if you are driving your own parents.

happystory · 04/02/2015 09:33

I'm interested to know what it was he had to 'pick up'. Once maybe but how often do people need things picking up? Haven't they heard of the postal service?