How to support someone in DV relationship

[WorkingBling]

I don't want to go into detail, but someone we are close to told us over the weekend that her relationship, which has always had issues, has now started to include DV. On both parts - he threatened her, she lashed out, he pushed her... the both have minor injuries.

I've read enough to know this will escalate. And it's being brewing for a while with this couple. Currently, she cannot see that this needs to be a dealbreaker and that the relationship needs to end. She feels they were both to blame as the violence went both ways, and seems to think that cancels things out.

Online resources and practical tips please. I don't want to alienate her. I want her to realise this is not sustainable. But I can't force her to move on.

Sadly, you can't force or persuade someone to seek help. Abusive relationships are characterised by control and victims, even when presented with a key to the lock, can be too intimidated to open the door. Give your friend the phone number of Women's Aid 0808 2000 247 but don't be surprised if she doesn't call. If there are children witnessing the abuse that changes things a little and Child Protection will be interested. Equally, if she is injured or in immediate danger, call the police immediately

Should add ... Very common for abusers to provoke a reaction in victims. Provoke a push, justify a punch... convince the victim that they're equally to blame. Of course they're not, it's just more manipulation.

thanks cog. Dh and I don't know what to do and feel so helpless. We have long thought that there is significant manipulation and emotional abuse going on but it's impossible to get her to see it as she believes she is difficult and harsh and mean. Truthfully - she can be all of those things - but dh and I keep pointing out that nothing justified his behaviour. She doesn't get it. It's so frustrating. And worrying.

No children. I said what happens if kids are involved and she got defensive and said he would never hurt a child. Buy even if that's true, a child witnessing this behaviour is being damaged IMO.

Manipulation is standard. Making the victim believe they are to blame or as bad as the abuser. 'He'd never hurt a child' is a stock response but of course, living as a little hostage watching one adult torment another is horribly damaging

Stay her friend.
He may well try to make it hard for her to maintain friendships.
Let her know you're there,no matter what,even if she hasn't spoken to you for months.