9 years together and no real proposal which is bugging me now!!

[zippyone]

Hi, we have been together for 9 years, we have a daughter together who's 5 and I have a on from a previous relationship who is 10. I am 35, he is 34.

He did ask me to marry him (on a whim, we were drunk!) after we were together 2 years, then changed his mind within a few weeks!

Since then not much mention except after our daughter was born - he brought it up but no real proposal. Well that was 5 years ago now!

It has not really bothered me until now, now I actually really do want to marry him so have dropped hints but think I may need to spell it out in clear words? Is that too pushy? I want him to really want to marry me though not just because I asked, I don't want to ask! Should I just wait? If so how long?

Yes of course you spell it out rather than waiting passively for someone else to take the initiative. Marriage affects kin status, inheritance and offers you some financial protection in case of a split. Even if the romantic aspect doesn't matter to him, there are good practical reasons for marrying. And if you don't achieve marriage, make sure you are fully protected in terms of wills, property ownership, next of kin status etc.

Threads like these are quite frankly bewildering.

My husband and I never had to have the marriage talk because he proposed after 3 months and we were married 3 months later. If it had been 1 child and 9 years later, you can bet that I would have raised it properly by now.

Can't you just sit down and talk about it? To answer your question, no it's not even remotely pushy when you have been together so long and have a child together.

Sadly my experience of threads like this on mn is that the op vary gets what they want. You would be married by now if you both really wanted to.

rarely not vary

Stop dropping hints. Why does he have to ask you? you ask him! If you want something you ask for it. Have a proper discussion- like adults in an adult relationship.

Have you spoken to him about it? Don't drop hints, have an adult conversation.

You are living together and have children.
I think you are well past the proposal stage. Just talk about it.

Also
I want him to really want to marry me though not just because I asked
If you marry him will it be just because you asked?
You talk about it with him, he can say he wants marriage or not, you can ask why, and decide how to proceed from there.
Why should marriage be dependent on a whim from the man?

I also find these threads bewildering - the combination of disempowerment, passivity and weird 'girlie' coyness. Look, OP, if you want to get married - and yes, it matters more than ever now you've had a child, and you're perfectly entitled to want to - ask him, for heaven's sake. Why do you need him to do it? What would a 'proper' proposal be??? Why didn't you go ahead with it when he wanted to marry after your child was born? Are you waiting for some kind of Hallmark rose-petals 'love's young dream' scenario?

Go for it!

Why not propose to him? It's the 21st century.

Why not propose to him? It's the 21st century.