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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Flaky friends

10 replies

IsabeauMichelle · 01/02/2015 19:31

What do you all do about this? Is this one of those things that you're supposed to ignore and pretend you don't mind about?

I have a friend that NEVER turns up to anything she's invited to. Right up until the last minute, she says she's coming, and then bails by text a couple of hours before.

The last straw was my DP's surprise 40th party last night. She'd been out the night before and didn't want to do 2 nights running.

So today, she's all 'are you ok, you seem off in your messages'. Do I actually tell her why I'm a bit pissed off? She knows already though, right?

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/02/2015 19:33

Yes tell her. What do you gain by keeping quiet? What does she learn if you say nothing except to assume you're OK with being let down again?

Joysmum · 01/02/2015 19:34

I would be upfront and tell her that you're upset that being out 2 nights in a row as an excuse not to come to your DH's 40th is rude.

Oh, and I'd phone, id not do this by texting.

ElmaTheElephant · 01/02/2015 19:41

I would just totally stop inviting her to things. Let her find out about them through fb and mutual friends and if/when she says 'What about me?' you can say 'Well I thought as you hardly ever actually turn up to anything you are invited to and you are always cancelling at short notice then you obviously aren't really that bothered about being invited any more.' And then fix her with a steely look and wait for her to squirm.

Original poster
IsabeauMichelle · 01/02/2015 19:44

We work together as well, which makes it extra awkward, I don't want to create an atmosphere. I did tell her I was disappointed that she didn't come, but during the course of today, she remembered that her sdd was ill, and actually THAT was the reason she couldn't make it Hmm

What she's actually done now is make me feel guilty for saying I'm disappointed! I'm usually pretty assertive, but this is something I can't seem to confront.

OP posts:
CleanLinesSharpEdges · 01/02/2015 19:44

Why not just text her with exactly what you've said here?

CoupdeFoudre · 01/02/2015 19:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
IsabeauMichelle · 02/02/2015 12:25

Coup she's not really now I think about it, no! In fact the more I think about it, the more I think she's not actually a very good mate!

I've seen her this morning, and she was in a foul mood - presumably because she feels guilty about the weekend.

I think I'm just going to have to write it off, and stop inviting her to things.

OP posts:
McSqueezy · 02/02/2015 12:31

There are lots of people like this. It may be that she just doesn't want to go out with you (she prioritised the other party over yours), it may be that she intends to go, but anxiety gets the better of her, it may be finances etc.

There are often reasons, but I would just let it go. She didn't want to attend, you can't force her, she's unreliable and it's her issue.

Get on with things, accept who she is and don't invite her to anything else again.

Original poster
IsabeauMichelle · 02/02/2015 12:47

Absolutely McSqueezy, I completely agree.

OP posts:
OnceUponATimeAgain · 02/02/2015 12:53

Or invite her where it wont make a difference, ie to the pub where numbers are not resticted....

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