Hi all, this is quite some post! I need advice but most of all hugs and a bit of love. Have a read 
I'm newish on MN and i joined tonsee if i was the only one feeling the way I do on my situation.
Background info:
Met DH when i was 20 he was 35...im 27 now. Married 2 yrs and we have a 15months old DS. Found out im expecting 2weeks ago 
I'm not from.the UK originally i met DH a month after i came here. Have no family and no more true friends around.
He moved to the UK at the age of 10 to attend boarding school (so far away from home and so young) I soon began to realise and understand why he seemed so harsh and almost overly independent...he had no choice. He mentioned that for a good 5yrs he'd see his mum and dad (disfunctional family. His dad remarried 5 times ) 3times a year at the most. Self made man extremely well educated and there i was...20 not confident to try Uni (which i attended eventually and graduated with a 2:1 BA hnrs in languages)
Every week we argued amd every week he said its over we can't stay together...I had no money saved (very irresponsible) so my whole world was shaken everytime....i thought my only choice to move back to my home country... I was very attached and thought i loved him.
3months in he asked me to move in and i started to see how harsh he really was...he started to see that i had some anger management issues. A recipe for disaster. Overtime my confidence got lower n lower i began to be more n more intimidated by his knowledge. He'd constantly say "You're not experienced luke i am you'll understand when you grow up..." or "you've got to see the damage you caused is beyond repair...I'm very disappointed in you..." One night after a heated argument i thought i needed to back of rather escalate so i walked out to get a bit of air and cool down. When i returned the car was gone and the door was locked. He'd parked the car in a street nearby and locked himself in to make me think he was gone. It was 2am, I had my keys and a phone with no credit. I was locked out until 9.30 in the morning! He then said to me "you push me to do things i dont want to do...i wanted u to see that iif it wasn't for me you have nobody here so you shouldnt take me for granted" He shed 1 miserable tear took me out for lunch and we were back on. Everytime i kept beating myself up thinking i went too far yet again. This was 5yrs ago now...
I've always said to him why do we always argue about my problems why do we never discuss how your issues impact on us? I can't eveb remember what he would say other than stop taking everything persaonally!!!!
When we had our son he was worst than ever before. Don't do this
Don't do that
You know nothing about hygiene, I studied microbiology so i know these things...
You're not bonding with him
Pump.some milk
Don't smoke Don't drink
What are you giving him?...etc But when the HV or friends and family woukd come to visit and see the bby he would ve the opposite. I'd get breakfast on a tray with tea and sweet words. On his best behaviour and then again when we were alone. One day we were talking and he was holding the bby. He huffed, loopked at DS (5wks old then) and said "Ummmnn i know....You're disappointed too aren't you?" My heart broke into pieces and its been like that always. He's managed to make me feel that:
all is my fault
om nothing without him
i can never manage on my own
i don't know anything etc...
Yet he says he wants me to have a career and be emancipated.
I got engaged and married amd preggie right after graduating so ive got nothing...I haven't got a penny to my name. We have no joint account and he says i have to ask him for money when i need to spend some etc...
It was when i read so many similar posts on here that i realised i should have left a lonnnng time ago. He's controling but nobody will believe me. He's too smart and manipulative.
I want to plan my exit well (no refuges or couch sleeping with DS) but sometimes i feel i cant wait another day. He's destroyed who i was i have no sense of self anymore
Please help!
Thank you for reading
xxx