So my husband said to me...

[chocolatefingersandtoes]

You're a fucking bitch, I hate you and wish I had never had the miserable misfortune of meeting you". We were having a row but this was like a shot through the heart. I went upstairs sobbing and when I came back downstairs to talk to him about it he told me to fuck off. He isn't a nice man is he. Anyone else's DH say anything like this to them or is it just me? I'm sooo upset

Hi everyone, thanks for the wise words, it's really helping we spoke briefly about it and I did get a heart felt apology but when I was still angry and hurt this apology was very quickly followed by " yeah I said something I should have but you're really aggressive,blah,blah,blah...not so heartfelt afterall we have agreed that we will go to marriage councelling as we need some help. I myself am still furious and it really has struck a nerve. I thought I had broken the pattern of my parents relationship as it was frought and my father despised my mother but now I'm not so sure. No way am I setting that example for my kids.

There is way more to this than meets the eye, I do hope your counselling works. Would be interested in the other POV but I know we won't hear it!

Intlmanofmystery... Yes of course there is always another pov but the op is the one asking for help here so to imply she's being untruthful in some way is unfair I think.

My ex wouldn't of course agree that he is a narcissistic bully but it doesn't mean he isn't one. It just means he's deluded.

Thank you intman and confused for replying. Of course there is a completely different point of view, maybe I am a total nightmare to live with, maybe I refuse to acknowledge my shortcomings and play the "victim"which is very often stated by my DH. I know I have my faults, I'm not perfect. But I don't believe I deserve to be called a fucking bitch and told I'm hated by my husband. This to me signals there is a massive issue in the marriage and we need help. It seems that he doesn't care anymore. I can't believe that I have been such a terrible person that he has fallen out of love with me. Or maybe I am

So OP, read back your last post. You know things have got to change now, which is a good thing. Tell DP that you will not under any circumstances put up with his unforgivable nasty language against you, ever again. Then tell him that marriage guidance is the only option here or he's out!

Could you both have a bit of time apart? Would you be able to cope at home without him for a few days to give you both breathing space?

You don't have to be a terrible person for someone to fall out of love with you - sometimes people grow apart...
Clearly there are issues in the marriage and hopefully counselling will help you to work out the best way forward - together or apart.
Do you also have some issues of yr own that you want to work through? (Not to say yr husband doesn't!) But from what you have said here.

Thank you Tinks and Ocelot. Tinks, I did exactly that today, I sent an email to him as it is the best way to get my point across clearly and unemotionally, and it was very clear that it was unacceptable behaviour and we obviously needed to get external councelling. Ocelot, I am going through a few things myself with my family which I probably need to deal with as well. Hopefully councelling will help us both.

Confused I wasn't for a second suggesting that OP was being untruthful at all, it is just that this sounds extreme so something must have triggered it beyond a normal day-to-day row. Deluded, eh?!

Chocolate, I'm sorry that your husband lashed out at you in this way but he must have done so for a reason (in his mind). I hope you can get to the bottom of it.

Thank you intlman. Nothing triggered it, just a lash-out. I'd like to know why myself.

Intlmanofmyster... Sorry if I read your post the wrong way. However your comment directed at me is hurtful. If I am reading that correctly that is? You're saying my ex was not deluded or a bully? Because I took your post the wrong way?

A lot of women here have suffered psychological abuse. I am one of them. Perhaps I'm wrong but someof what op said sounded v familiar to me. Other posters said they also thought he sounded abusive too.

Op I wish you strength and hope counselling helps you.

Oh hang on here, lets not just jump in there and say leave the bastard. There are however many a thread where the gut feeling comes into it.

Lash outs are just that OP.. I myself have done exactly the same. I have sworn and become angry etc. at a partner and vice versa, I have however never felt "threatened". I have felt less than the person who is supposed to love me, then I also needed to go.

No, wasn't saying ltb. I genuinely hope counselling helps.

Just some stuff struck a chord. I'll not post again on here. Im not in a good place. I don't want to project and be unhelpful.

Everyone has a breaking point, you both sound under stress at the moment, whether you can come back from it is up to you and your DP, whether that is together or apart. Only you can decide.

A partner saying fuck off and I wished I never married you, doesnt necessarily mean they "feel" that.

It means that you are both in a bit of trouble here.

You said your partner will go to relate or such like.

That is a way forward>

Thank you again for all your kind wordsthis post has been very helpful and I do hope that councelling will help us.