This isnt right, is it, to be like this towards a 9 year old.

[vintagecrap]

More family drama.

My family are annoyed that DD didnt text them on her birthday. We had a birthday breakfast the morning after her birthday and they all kind of layed into her. It now turns out my sister doesnt want anything more to do with me as she thinks DD was rude to her. My mum who i havent spoken to since then is up in arms that im not letting dd go round there today on her own and still thinks DD was out of order and spent 20 mins banging on my door yesterday which i refused to answer.

Anyway, so, mum and sister sent DD a happy birthday text. DD didnt reply. Her phone is new and she got it for xmas. It actually ran out of credit for the first time on the wednesday. I didnt know till the friday after school. DD walked to school with her friend friday and normally sends a text to say she got there ok. I didnt get it this time. I spoke to her when i picked her up and she said she had sent it. I looked at her phone and it had a little undelivered sign next to it which DD wouldnt know what that was as a) its never happened before and its new and b) it would have come through after she had left the phone with the office.
I explained this to DD and then showed her the message from two days earlier to say that she was out of credit and explained when she gets this she must let me know and i will sort it out for her.
All normal i think, and teaching her to be responsible.
Anyway, she went off to her dads at 4pm on the friday and came home at 12 the saturday which was her birthday. She had had texts in the morning.
I didnt even know this, she came home, we opened presents and then went off to her party for 12: 45.
We got home at 5pm ish, where i called my mum and asked did she want us to go round with the cake so she could see dd.

We did go round, mum was huffy and then laid into DD about the texts.
I stopped it and we came home.

The sunday my sister laid into DD about the texts, DD didnt know what to say other than she had no credit, so in the end just said nothing and looked at me, i kept trying to put an end to it.

Later that day i stuck more credit on ready for monday.

Turns out aweek later they are still going on about it and think its totally ok to lay into a 9 year old like that, and of course my parenting has been brought into question along with my levels of responsibilty. Apparently i should force her to reply, yet my brother who is 28 and never replies to anyone ever, doesnt have to as they all know thats how he is and its his choice as a grown up

Ive told both of them that they have serious issues if they think that any of what they did was appropriate, am i right? this is toxic crap?

What do you want from the thread Op? To sound off? Bcs you bite heads off posters who don't say what you want to hear. So what do you want?

Sounds like drama, drama, drama. Are you on some level used to the drama. Would life be empty without the drama?

Sounds like you've posted before and got conclusive feedback

"As with these things they are not always ' awful' so, its a bit harsh to say what on earth am i doing."

Vintage - if they were always awful, it would be much easier for you to deal with, I suspect - because there would be no reason not to cut them out of your life and your dd's life altogether.

Whether deliberately or not, they are treating you well some of the time, so that you carry on believing that they could be nice all of the time - and that hope makes you hold onto the relationship. From what I have read, this is pretty classic narcissistic behaviour - and the sad thing is it is unlikely to change. They will be nice to you just enough to keep you from cutting all ties with them, but their predominant attitude will be nastiness towards you.

And it sounds as if they are starting to do the same to your dd - and you both deserve much better. If they aren't going to change their ways, maybe you have to make the change, and cut/drastically reduce contact with them.

IMO you are being rather sharp with some posters on here.

Why don't you direct that at the people who have actually upset you rather than people here who are trying to be helpful!

Probably because it is safer for her to vent her frustrations and anger at us than at her relatives, I suspect.

You need to block their numbers or change her number so they don't have it.
The only way you can protect your DD is to go NC. Sticking up for her when they are nasty to her face Orby text isn't enough. She needs to be protected from hearing or seeing the nastiness.

SDTG - no, believe me, i am venting my frustrations at them, which is what has got me in this postion in the first place. Im not being a passive person, quiety weeping in the corner, if i were, then all would be fine.

I might be being a bit snipey, but it makes me quite cross when people tell me im being a shit mother because of how my mother is. Im not. And thats a really unfair comment to make.

Im trying to set up childcare for sundays, and have nearly got all of feb covered. So that gives me another month. Ill then look at march.

I know how she is and i know talking or shouting or anything doesnt work, the only thing i can do is walk away for a while. I dont know how long yet, could be a few months, could be longer. Ive done it for 8 or so years before.

The reason i posted this thread was just to double check it really wasnt me just being daft, of course i thought it was wrong, but then when ive got 3 of them telling me im being pathetic, then i just doubted myself for a second.

IMHO, it would be a good idea to change your's daughter phone number

They would like you to think it is you. Trust your instincts.