Sex problems - I really need to talk about this

[Sothisishowitfeels]

Been with dh 13 years we have 5 children and have always had what I would consider to be "normal" sex , I have only ever had sex with him though!

Now for the last 6 months or so he has had problems keeping an erection, it just sorts of vanishes half way through. Even when he does have one its not the same as it used to be - this included when he is asleep a lot of the time too.

I have tried not to make a thing of it but tbh it's getting difficult not to get upset because of the way it is changing things and his behaviour about it . He will not consider ever seeing a doctor it is pretty much out of the question to him .

I am not really sure what I can do ?

OP, as the pp says, this could indicate a very serious condition called Cauda Equina Syndrome which should certainly be ruled out, preferably by a neurosurgeon. Your DH needs to see a doctor urgently as the condition can cause permanent nerve damage if left untreated.

read this for more information. in all likelihood his symptoms could be unrelated but he would be mad to ignore. Just call up and make an urgent appointment then take him there. Broker no discussion. He may also have urinary problems which he hasn't mentioned and is probably scared so if I were you I would take control.

Good luck.

He may have high blood pressure. This causes symptoms like your husband's.

If he can masturbate successfully then it may be a sex issue between the two of you. You say he has suggested fantasy ideas that he has asked you to play out for him. Are these fantasy ideas new or something you have always done.
The back and leg pain could be related to a sports injury maybe? The other thing that hasn't been mentioned is could he be having an affair and unable to maintain an erection with you through guilt, especially if he has no trouble masturbating. This may tie in with wanting you to try different things and playing out fantasies. Just a thought. Sorry.

Op - show him this thread. Print it off and show him how no one taking the piss, everyone is being supportive and like the other bloke(s) GO TO THE DOCTOR!

Good luck.

Has he gained a lot of weight?

Also you should point out that after five children you've probably had dozens of strangers looking at your bits and it's his turn.

He needs to go to a doctor.

There is no refusal about this.

He could be seriously ill. 31, and mysterious pains, and erection problems?

He is also putting himself on track to wreck his marriage.

Presumably both those things are worse outcomes than an embarrassing conversation with the doctor?

Don't show him the thread! If he's too embarrassed to go to the doctor how will he feel when a bunch of strangers have been discussing his problem?

(This suggestion always makes me laugh, anyway. As though mumsnet is some mystic oracle! )

He is not being a sensible Husband and Father by refusing to go to the Doctor. He has a responsibility to you all to do his best to be fit and healthy and be "there" for a long time to come.
By not visiting the Doctor he is jeopardising his, your and the children's future.
Use all your powers to get him to go. Speak with the MIL, get her onside. Does she realise that her son could be ill?