Painfully jealous - for no reason!

[Littleen]

Hello!
Please, please don't flame me.
I have a really stupid problem. I struggle with self worth / confidence and that kind of stuff. And I get really jealous.
When my partner talks about / with girls that I don't know, I feel really insecure and jealous. To the point it keeps me awake at night, because I worry about them being more attractive and interesting (both looks and personality wise) than me. It is a jealousy that is aimed at them rather than my partner if that makes sense.

To be clear - I have absolutely NO reason to be insecure and jealous. My partner of 5 years is nothing but amazing, loyal, loving and always very reassuring about our relationship. Despite rough patches here and there, our relationship is strong and happy. He never flirts with anyone - the only "looking" he's ever done is at a few film stars that he has a fancy for. Which really is fine :P He's always had lots of female friends, and I don't get jealous about the ones that I know, and the ones he had before we met.

I have previously tried to talk with him about this jealousy that I feel, but I think he's a bit fed up because he feels I don't trust him. I don't think I can completely trust anyone, but he's the one I trust the most.

So I think that sums up that I really have no reason to feel jealous. Yet I am! Sometimes when he mentions speaking to another girl, I can feel chills down my spine (happens when I'm terrified). Mind - never had another girl try it on with him either! It really breaks my heart, and I feel bad about feeling jealous too. I don't feel worthy of him or anyone else for that matter, and so I cannot understand why anyone would even bother to be with me. Yes - I am depressed, btw! But these feelings stick around also when I am not depressed.

So how can I get rid of this pointless, useless feeling?

hi OP, I really feel for you, this can be crippling. What is your relationship history? did ex partners cheat on you? did you grow up with parents who were unfaithful to each other, or were they very critical of you (hence low self esteem)? All these could be reasons.
As to how to get rid of this feeling - very hard! the best thing is to have therapy. Do you suffer from general fear/anxiety too, or just this one? the depression can stem from this living in fear too, therapy should help with both. Apart from that, yo could try to read books, tbh not much else can help. Maybe a good idea if partner joins therapy too just to understand how painful it is for you, he may be seeing it as just annoying but he needs to understand that you suffer and be kinder.

Nobody is going to flame you!
Your self esteem is in your boots. Of course you are worthy of him, you are a good and worthwhile person, but I agree that you'll need to work on this; it might drive him away otherwise eventually. There are self help books, put 'self esteem' into Amazin's search engine! I'd prefer to work with someone though. You might we'll be able to access a short course of counselling through your Gp, or even your workplace if you work for a big organisation.

beagles - My current partner has never done anything to make me doubt him, and nobody in my big family has ever had a divorce or been unfaithful or anything (afaik) - all been together since teenage years! However, my ex - first boyfriend - he was in love with another girl as well as me, for the first 1,5 years of our relationship. It hurt, a lot. Also had a tough relationship with my mum, which I think has contributed a great deal to how I see myself. I have been going to therapy for years and years, but never been able to shift this particular thing....

I am starting some sort of baby group, that is helping mums feel more confident, and have more self worth. Hopefully it can crack it!

randomNPC I spoke to my GP, and because I have a number of mental health problems (including bipolar disorder, which gives me depression for several months every year), I am too "advanced" for the therapy services available for the general public. He sent me off to the Mental Health Team, which said that because I wasn't severely ill at this time, I'm not able to get anything! And I can't afford private therapy either :( Stupid system.

I normally hide it from my partner, as I don't want to drive him away or upset him. It's better that way, because I know that my fear has no reason. I have tried to talk to him about it before, and he just doesn't take it very well.

Another wall of text, sorry.

I understand how you feel. I am in your situation. I have got to the point i have to choose to say to myself i choose no longer to be jealous when i think someone is more attractive, looks better etc. It helps hugely.