She is lonely and very upset.

[Endevour123]

Right, my first confession is that I am not a Mum, nor am I a parent, I am doing my A levels at the moment and I realised I have made an error to say the least. There is a girl in my A level class who I thought was fine but today when I was with her alone, she admitted that she has no friends, is never included and is being bullied! She got very upset and ended by cuddling me and crying into my arms. I fee like an idiot, I am popular in my year and I have never been bullied but now I realise while I might be fine and happy, I have overlooked the needs of those who are not. I post on here because I figure well she is someone's daughter, so you might have some advice on what I can do to help her.

I am a male by the way not a female, whether or not that makes any difference.

You've made the first step by speaking to her, keep chatting to her, try & include her.

Yes from now one try and involve her more.

It's good that she was able to talk to you, perhaps you can now be a friend to her so she'll feel less alone? However, as you are only young yourself, it might feel like a lot of pressure on you if she's really struggling, so you may want to involve a trusted adult, a tutor maybe? But do warn her in advance if you can that you're going to speak to someone else about it.
It's lovely that you've had a nice life and not experienced the difficulties your friend has, this must be a steep learning curve for you, so do get support if you need it.

Can you introduce her to others?

Thank you to everyone who has replied. I will do my best to look out for her from now on. I feel so sorry that she has suffered in silence for all this time and I am glad that she confided in me.

You sound like a lovely boy your mum should be very proud.

You sound very kind. Could you get the other girls to take an interest??

I am going to start tackling the problems she faces (or at least do my best!). She says that most of the bullying she suffers happens on her walks to and from home and during lunch. So me and my friends are going to start walking with her and sitting with her at lunch. Hopefully, that should deal with the bullying she is suffering. What is nice is she wants to apply to the same university that I do, so we can do UCAS together later this year, so that should be nice. I am hoping and this might be complacent that the other things she suffers from such as unhappiness and loneliness will be reduced if she has some company.

I agree with the others above, you sound like a really decent individual. It can be all too easy to judge people for feeling lonely or struggling to connect with others but it happens to most people at some stage and it can be truly awful. It says a lot about you that she was able to talk to you. Ask the girl a bit about herself, be interested in her and what she has to say, and include her more in things if you can.

That sounds like a really good start.
And you sound like a very caring person.
You never know, you might just have begun a great friendship.

So you're a young man studying for A-Levels, you've taken a lonely, bullied young woman under your wing and you've come on to a website designed for parents because you value and trust parental advice?

Shit, I hope my DS grows up to be like you!!!

Just to say - you sound brilliant.

Well Done. I hope there are more people out there like you looking out for lonely people.
I was bullied at school years ago, and could have done with someone like you at the time.

You're doing a great thing!

You will make a massive difference
Just by giving her attention and company. The worst part is not feeling included and feeling you don't fit in. You sound great!

I know you really want to help your friend, but the most sensible way for you to deal with this is to report it to your pastoral team. You need to tell them exactly what she told you. Sometimes, young adults or teenagers will tell those around them their problems rather than going direct to adults. I rather think she is hoping that this is what you will do.

I think your instinct to help her is really admirable but there could be other issues going on here which you would be really out of your depth with. If this is long term socialising problems there may well be other issues such as self-harming.

Also, I have two children doing A levels at the moment and I know the workload is enormous and extremely stressful. That needs to be your priority.

There is something else as well which I am going to say, you need to be told that you cannot fix people, they need to learn how to fix themselves. Or at least be guided to the people who have the training to get them on the right path to fixing themselves.

I think you sound like a lovely, caring boy and I hope your parents are very proud of you.

Good luck in those A Levels...

Thank you for the advice everyone! I just want her to be happy. I have never been bullied, however I have read about those tragic cases of people who have been bullied like Izzy Dix and I do not want my friend to end up like that.

You lovely boy, well done! You will make a massive difference to this girls life, sometimes it's the small things that make the biggest difference!

I agree though with previous posters who have said to let a teacher know the situation, you can't take it all on your own shoulders, and they may be able to come up with other strategies to help her. You will make a vast difference to her just by being a friend.

Hello Endevour

You are doing great so far !

However, are there any groups that you can join or start yourself, that you can join with your new friend ?

The reason I am suggesting this is because some people lack confidence & it impacts into other parts of their lives

If you can help someone feel more positive about themselves it can lead onto things that they never imagined that they would ever do !

It would be great if you could start something together & grow bigger & better together !

Example

Sport club, book club, swap clothes day event

Volunteer for local charity/time bank

Start a group like a poem a day, bake off challenge, come dine with me

* Duke of Edinburgh's award - can lead to so many opportunities !!!

Work part time

www.volunteerics.org/

Collect for food bank

Fund raise to visit a school in another country

Start a mentoring/buddy system for new starters at your school

Complete a first aid course eg St Johns ambulance, Red Cross

All these things you can add onto your CV for job applications & further education applications

I hope this helps & good luck

Yes, just try and include her more.

Although you have made a good start!