shit mum and mirtazipine

[brokendigestives]

NC for this and posted here as I don't think I have real MH problem.

I was prescribed Mirtazipine yesterday by my GP, I went along to ask him for a referral for some counselling regarding some sexual abuse I encountered when I was very little. He asked me how as was feeling and I explained that Id managed to put it away in the far corners of my mind but it was starting to leak out. Triggers on the news, massive stress over xmas and too much alcohol have left me an anxious train wreck one day then fine the next. Also I was having a lot of intrusive voices again.

Last sunday I had to get in bed from lunch time just to focus on my breathing and slowing my heart beat down. It just wiped me out all day and I didn't feel right till Tuesday afternoon.

I was fine from Tuesday onwards but since I took a tablet last night ive been in a bad place again all day today. Ive ignored dd and been rotten to dp. DP asked if I minded if he went and watched the match, which I did, as I needed him to be here (I don't know why) but I said I didn't mind and he went. I tried to phone him straight away but his phone was off and I burst in to tears and smashed my bloody phone on the floor. dd was in the kitchen with me

I gave her a cuddle and we are both in bed now and ive calmed down.

I hate myself like this. I really letting her down, ive no reason to start acting like this now, my life has never been better. Today ive felt really disconnected from her. Not picking her up when she is crying ect..

I'm really hating on dp when he hasn't done anything wrong and I can hear myself being vile to him.

I don't know if taking these tablets will make me worse? has anybody been on them or have any advice.

Sorry to hear things have been so hard for you

I agree with what you are saying in that looking for some expert counselling is a very good idea.
An antidepressant, and one that can help with anxiety, can help in the meantime as a bit of a 'crutch' (you would not refuse a crutch if you broke your leg, would you?) until a good talking therapy helps you come to terms with what's happened to you.

Mirtazapine can be sedating, particularly initially, and many people who take it complain of an increase in appetite and weight gain. It will take a couple of weeks at least before you feel better on it.
It is NOT good 'rescue' medication: if you feel particularly bad, taking one is unlikely to make a difference there and then. It relies on you taking it every day.

Contact Rape Crisis.
Google 'Surviors of Childhood Abuse' - there are many specialist places around that offer very good counselling (better IME than many NHS services), but they tend to be rather localised and based on various charities which you may need to 'find' yourself.

Many, many people find that they manage to live in denial of their own abuse until they have their own children. I have, of course, no idea whether that is the case for you, but believe you me, you are not alone.

Take very good care of yourself.

Thank you pacific I will google it now x

It's so tricky.
I was once prescribed antidepressants for what was in retrospect severe anxiety.
Things that helped me were
Counselling
Cutting out alcohol completely just for a couple of months and taking a multivitamin
Physical exercise (walking/running)
Rest (plenty of sleep, a bit of time off work if poss, cutting back on social engagements)
It sounds like counselling would be a good idea with your past problems but the other things might help too.
Good luck

I personally had problems with mirtazapine. I took one, and it practically turned me into a zombie for 36 hours.
There are loads of different ADs, it can take a while to find the right one for you. As a poster said before though, they have to be taken daily for a good month to start to work.

I think you need to tell DP that for the moment, you need him (or someone) to be around even if you say that you're fine. He shouldn't have left to go to the match (although I can see why he did) - you're having a tough time and you need support. Just as if you had flu you need to be off the hook a bit, not expecting yourself to be supermum all the time.

Sorry I can't help with the tablet query. Hope you find something which helps soon :)

If you are having intrusive voices, and severe anxiety, you do have a real MH problem. It's nothing to be ashamed of, just as a broken leg is nothing to be ashamed of. Rereading your post, I think your reactions and behaviour would be more likely due to your illness, rather than the tablets.
Counselling will be good, but it sounds like you need extra support at the moment. Talk to people about how you are feeling; the hopelessness and guilt are due to your illness asserting yourself, it is no reflection on your abilities as a mother.

Mirtazapine can make people 'snappy' and quick tempered, particularly initially. However, the benefits can vastly outweigh the negatives. It is one of the few ad's recommended for PTSD, for example (this is where it helped me). It's also one of the few ad's which has an immediate effect, so can be prescribed to help people at immediate risk to themselves. As Pacific says, the full effects will only become apparent if it is taken every evening, for a matter of weeks.

Is this the first ad you've been prescribed? It's unusual for it to be a starting point ad, due to its potency in sedation and other things. Out of interest, what dose have you been prescribed?

I would say that if you are in any doubt or feel your sense of wellbeing has taken a turn for the worse, then get back in touch with your GP, asap.

FWIW, the majority of people will have a mental health 'problem' at some point in their lives. Whether it be a phobia, anxiety, period of upset or life long condition, mental health issues really are as common and normal as the common cold

Mirtaxapine did similar to me. Can you go back to GP and try something else?
Sounds like you do have a 'real' MH problem. Which is nothing to be ashamed of.
Don't beat yourself up, I and my dad and sibs received far worse behaviour from toxic not-DM when she was depressed, who never bothered to get help.

I'm on the highest dose of mirtazapine and have been now for about 3 months. In the early stages, I felt crap and very anxious, was having nightmares and all sorts. Bizarrely, I had terrible insomnia despite it supposed to be sedating. But feeling crap is very common when you start a new AD and you need to give it time to get into your system properly and work. The early days of ADs are grim but it's worth it if you can battle through, you really need to give it 4 weeks and if you still feel horrible then up the dose or change. Unfortunately, it is often a case of feeling worse before you get better and I've even been told it can be a good sign believe it or not because it is starting to effect your brain chemicals. Good luck.

Thank you all for replying.

Ive been prescribed 15mg.

Last night dp came back and we had a cuddle and I told him again how I was feeling and we relaxed and watched a film. When I woke up this morning I felt myself and went for a run and felt great and it really cleared my head. When I got back I quickly discussed what we were going to do for the day - all good. His df came around and mentioned they had already plannned something and it just set me off in a massive spin. I could feel myself losing control really quickly. It resulted in a huge row, we never row, and he didn't go. We've kissed and made up again. But I don't like him having to walk on bloody egg shells around me.

I don't know if I can bear to take anymore as I took one and it made me feel weird and detached and I cant feel like that towards dd. I spent a lot of time last night on line looking at alternatives eg daily exercise.

I've been a SAHM for getting on 18 months and its caving my head in, im going back to work in march and it cant come quick enough. I've lost 'me', I've isolated myself from my friends and trying to get back on track with them is hard as i've been so flaky in the past.

Thank you for replying x

Oh I know that feeling. It's hard because you really need friends but you're soret of accidentally blanking them all the time and people don't seem to get it.

Try these pills, for a week or two - honestly DD won't be damaged if you're detached for a week, try another kind, try exercise, see what else happens. Be kind to you.