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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I've had enough

12 replies

Thisistheend1 · 31/01/2015 18:23

Not sure where to start, been with partner 16 years there is a 12 year age gap - I'm the youngest at 38 not married (not sure if that's good or bad) he has always been in control of our relationship we have two DC's and one child from his previous relationship who is now in their twenties who i am very close to.

My partner is very moody and has been for a long time, he is self employed but I sort out all the compny side of things plus work full time and sort the kids out so he doesn't have to worry about that - I do.

Last week I've been ill but still went to work but I didn't work Wednesday so I spent the day cleaning the house, shopping, picking up from school, cooking etc. I went to bed as soon as I'd bathed and put the kids to bed as I felt so awful. Next thing I know is he's come into the bedroom calling me a lazy c##t for not putting some chicken in the bin and has not spoke to me since. after all these years I am used to this so I've not said a word back either, I'm tired of all the constant criticism nothing I do is right I've given up trying.

I tired of trying to make him happy.

Not sure why I've wrote this - just need a hug

OP posts:

PopularNamesInclude · 31/01/2015 18:26

Here's a hug, all yours and well deserved! But what you NEED is to leave him.

somewhatavoidant · 31/01/2015 18:31

I think you're right thisistheend1, it is totally & utterly out of order to call your partner a c€&t or any other name really. It's just unacceptable. Sounds like he's already checked out emotionally. Maybe you should think about doing the same? Sorry you're going through that though

Original poster

Thisistheend1 · 31/01/2015 18:43

Thank you both - I'm just so worn down with it all trying to second guess his moods and everything I don't want my boys to think this is how wpartners are treated. I know I need to leave just don't know where we go.

OP posts:

OfficerVanHalen · 31/01/2015 18:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YvyB · 31/01/2015 18:53

You are still only 38. You have so much life left ahead of you. So much potential happiness still to come.
You go to a solicitor for a free consultation to get clarity on your financial situation. Take as much information with you as you can - bank and mortgage statements, pensions, savings, credit cards etc and you find out exactly where you stand. Then you can make an informed choice as to what your next step will be.

I wouldn't normally say LTB, but if he's speaking to you like that, calling you names like that, I don't think there's anything to hesitate over. It's certainly no environment in which to raise a child.

Good luck - there's a new life out there if and when you decide it's time.

Original poster

Thisistheend1 · 31/01/2015 19:17

He won't leave he did that before with his previous partner and won't do that again. I've been putting money aside so I can go but don't have enough yet. As far as I'm concerned he can have the house I just want my boys with me thank you for the replays

OP posts:

PurpleWithRed · 31/01/2015 19:22

Is there a spare room you can move into? You can start the separation process without moving out or him moving out. Sit down with him, tell him it's over and you are separated, start acting separated, see a solicitor. The sooner you start the sooner it will all be over.

PurpleWithRed · 31/01/2015 19:22

PS - you have dependent children, you cannot walk away leaving him everything.

ImperialBlether · 31/01/2015 19:28

Do you own or rent your home?

He sounds absolutely disgusting, talking to you like that. I think it will be great for you to be free of him.

Original poster

Thisistheend1 · 31/01/2015 19:40

We own the home - he is on the sofa at the moment my youngest jumps into bed before dad can get there, thank god, I'm at the point just to walk away with nothing, I work I can build things up I'm very frightened making the leap

OP posts:

kittensinmydinner · 31/01/2015 20:03

So sorry for your situation. I note you are not married, which always puts you in a difficult situation with dcs. Especially as he's self employed. You will be entitled to child maintenance, so whilst you have access to his business paperwork make you get copies of tax returns, average earnings etc. if things yet nasty, self employed maintenance payers often hide or 'lose' there earnings so they can pay next to nothing. Did you/do you pay or contribute to the mortgage or bills from your earnings ? Can you prove it ? In that case, get a free half hour and find out where you will stand financially if/when you leave. Also look at things like housing benefit, council tax benefit you can claim these even if you are working... Also don't forget tax credits. Add it all up and get a factual picture of where you stand .

ImperialBlether · 31/01/2015 20:17

You might have to move out but you won't have to be without your half of the equity. I hope a lawyer can come on here and reassure you.

Don't think of it as walking away with nothing.

Go to this site and enter your details as though you were living in a rented flat. See what it comes up with.

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