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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

talk some sense into me

5 replies

crazylady12 · 31/01/2015 15:02

My emotionally abusive partner is still living in my house I am staying at my mum stupidly stupidly I let him talk me round saying we're what he wants he's messed things up and we had an amazing week so we spent the night alone last night it was hell he put me down ignored me and basically said everything was my fault am back at my mum's now but am devastated I let my guard down again am really tearful today but also angry I am shaking I want to go down there but don't no what for I just want to shout at him make him see what's he's doing :(

OP posts:

alabastergirl · 31/01/2015 15:15

Don't go down there. This is all about the cycle of abuse. Why is he still in your house. Can't you get him to leave?

It is not your fault and you cannot change him. Don't beat yourself up for having a weak moment. He won't see sense because this is how he is. It is your choice whether you put up with it.

Original poster

crazylady12 · 31/01/2015 15:38

He's refusing to leave and I really don't want the poilce involved I have depression abd anxiety and I really couldn't cope if social services got involved I know this is my own fault I could get him out now but I want yo keep things amicable

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 31/01/2015 15:56

You can't keep things amicable with someone who is determined to be hostile. If you have health problems and don't feel up to the confrontation that's what the police are for. You need people on your side and if that means Social Services then that's what you have to do.

Don't take a sword to a gun-fight.....

alabastergirl · 31/01/2015 16:35

You do need the police - this is too much for you to cope on your own. SS are not the enemy - they can give you help and support.

AliceinWinterWonderland · 31/01/2015 16:54

There is no point shouting at him, no point trying to explain his behaviour to him... he will not suddenly "get it" and change. No matter what you do, this is it, this is him, and he is not going to change.

Amicable obviously is ideal for any break up, but be honest with yourself. Do you REALLY think he'll ever really be amicable?

Grit your teeth, and make the phone calls you need to get him out of your life. SS and the police are the good guys, not the baddies.

Flip