Feel like I am being taken for a fool

[Ghostlife]

I have 3 children that are not far off university age. I am mid-divorce but having to do a lot of the work myself. STBXH has said he will not contribute anything to the children when at university. He earns double what I do and I know that student finance will take that into consideration but I really don't think I can afford three children at university at the same time. I am struggling financially without that to pay. Children won't take him to court for the money. Is there anything I can do or ask for in the financial settlement to help with this?

Hi I have really been helped by this thread. I am going to let him do the divorce work while I save up for a good solicitor. I have a bit of time to do this. Will also be applying for support via the courts for when they are at university. Thankful that none of them have turned 18 yet.

I'm really pleased about that, it's so easy to get bogged down in 'I must respond/I must push it through' to someone else's (bullying) agenda. It just may not be in yours and your children's interest to hurry.

I really hope it works out for you

You need a solicitor. Contact you cab and see if they have any names. It won't be that expensive, and certainly the cost now is a necessity.

Your children won't be able to take him to court. His big plans with his ow are no concern of yours so don't worry about that, and all you want is a fair settlement now and it can be looked at later when they are at uni. Fair does not mean suits him.

Don't sign anything, or agree in principle- and see someone- your life is going to change and you won't be able to wish the time back and see a lawyer. Costs vary, and a London lawyer will charge more per hour than a country one. Doesn't mean they are better. Shop around and talk to lawyers.

Don't discuss this wth him, he is not on your side. He means you to have the bare minimum and you're letting him. Get much, much angrier.

"Doesn't believe in university"? Fucking selfish bastard.

University isn't just for the out-and-out academic nowadays, it's the gateway to all sorts of professions and careers. Refusing to support one's own DC in going to university is the behaviour of an arsehole and you need to deal with him from the premise that he is first and foremost a complete and utter twat.

Get a rottweiler solicitor and take him to the cleaner's.

When you say divorce work what do you mean? He discloses everything and tells you what he can afford and dictates you and the dc life?

Being passive will not help you or your dc. You are not helpless in this and of course he doesn't want you to see a lawyer. That alone tells you he is planning to stuff you and the dc- and a solicitor will make sure you are taken care of properly. There are no prizes for being nice.

Hi I have been through a divorce fairly recently after a long marriage and I agree that if you don't see a solicitor you are getting stiffed here. Of course he must contribute towards putting the children through university or other form of education. That is absolutely normal nowadays and any financial settlement should take that provision into account.

Also, you need protection too. The starting point is a 50:50 asset split including pensions, but that may be adjusted in your favour if you have children to look after and are the lower earner. He will have to pay you maintenance (in addition to that payable for the children), which after a long marriage should be for life. If he can't be trusted to honour his obligations then you should look for more than 50 per cent of the assets. In any event the house would not be sold until the youngest child reaches 18 as he is obviously happily accommodated with the OW.

Please do see a solicitor even if just for an hour or two and take notes of what they say to refer to later. I hate it when I see over and over again women taking less than they are entitled to in order to keep the peace with undeserving, crappy men.