Can I have some perspective please?

[DoItTooJulia]

This is going to be long, but I need someone to look at my situation and help me sort it it in my head.
I have a complicated home life at the minute. My mum lives with us (me and DH and the kids) and is our primary childcare provider for my sons who are 9&2 while I work 4 days a week in a demanding job. She has cancer and is recovering from a major surgery (Christmas Eve surgery, I did have a thread about it). DH is self employed, so has swapped his days to work the other end of the week, so he's out all weekend working, I work all week, so no rest, but no childcare to sort out either.

My mum and dad are divorced and have been for a long time. They are amicable. My dad visits every Saturday to see me and the kids.

My dads health is deteriorating and has been having various medical appointments that I go to with him. I go to all of my mums appointments too.

The upshot is that my whole life has become about other people's needs. I don't especially mind but the longer it goes on, the more I miss my small social life and friends. Yesterday my dad had quite a routine appointment at the gp. I text him th night before to say I couldn't come, but was around after lunch so do let me know how you got on.

I got a text in the middle of the night saying that my mom was more important, don't worry about me, I'm in pain, but I'll cope. I text him back when I saw the text in the morning, explaining that I was not spending the time with mum, but was taking my youngest son to visit his friend (who we've not since for three months) en route to do the food shopping.

No text to let me know how he got on. Middle of the night last night, I got a text asking if he should come tomorrow or was I busy? Then an hour or so later I get a text telling me not to text him at 6:30 am.

I see the texts this morning. I'm furious. I feel downtrodden, exhausted, pissed off and sad. There is a bit of context to our relationship. When they divorced, I barely saw dad for ten years as a result of this my dsis had been NC with him for a while, but does speak to him now, kind of. She is emigrating soon and while she does help out with my mum, she doesn't with dad and won't be able to anyway soon.

I've had an argument with DH this morning too.

Am I just pissed off with everyone and taking it out on DH and dad? Or would you be a bit pissed off too? And how do I cope with all these demands without becoming a martyr?

Thanks.

Just a short response from me...but no you are not wrong. Your dad sounds manipulative acruelly. He'll get over it.

Take some time out for sure. They will cope. You need to take care of yourself as well as others, at this difficult time, because if you're not ok then you are of no use.

Don't ask permission either, just do it xxx

I sympathise and empathise with you - similar parent health probs.

You have to put your needs and your DH and DC needs as a priority. That doesn't mean leaving DParents totally to fend for themselves, but getting a sensible balance.

Your DF however, can only see his own needs and is behaving petulantly as he isn't the focus of your attention when he demands it. I would reassure him but also ensure his expectations of you are realistic considering your busy life.

Ps. I always wanted to say I love your name. A Mitchell and Webb fan here too!

What something said

If you don't look after yourself , you will become unwell . This is too much stress

Thanks for the replies, I felt sure it wasn't me!

Ah, you're the first person to like my name, it's a twist on what Winston says is room 101 and I hadn't realised about the Mitchell and Webb connection...I just googled it! Thank you!