Can you become romantic?

[wemadeit25]

I have been married to my DH for 25 years next week. We love each other very very much and I seem to have become romantic in my old age. I have never needed flowers and gifts and huge romantic gestures in the past but recently I feel myself dreaming about things my DH could be doing to romance me. I feel like a bit of a teenage dreamer TBH and I am not sure if this is normal as we approach middle age. Am I becoming a bit of a dreamer, will I need to read Mills and Boon books to get my dose of romance or will my DH catch up with me in the lovey dovey department and also want to take a country walk and have rampant sex in a field! (That actually doesn't seem that romantic now I have written it down, just plain rude!!) But I do find myself wishing he would come home with some flowers or a box of chocolates sometimes.

Why is it up to him to take the initiative? My ex used to say that for a lot of women all romance really meant was men buying them things and it it was selfish and narcissistic.
I read your post and think he was right. Why isn't romance also about you taking your husband somewhere, you buying him something nice, you writing him a poem?
It takes two to be romantic.

Oh don't get me wrong I don't mean just him doing things but me too, its just how come we have never been the romantic types before but all of a sudden I want to be more lovey dovey and have become a bit of a dreamer, just want to know if this is normal as I get older, that's all. Its not really about him actually doing that stuff just why am I thinking about it?

If you want to do it then why not do it? If I want to be romantic I light lots of candles and put on some music. My bloke is usually very happy to play along.
I agree that it's nice to be surprised by a romantic gesture sometimes and it's easy to lose that spontaneity and doing things just to show you love the other person in an established relationship.

I interpret what you're saying as a feeling that your life and your relationship could be more fun, affectionate and spontaneous. Why now? Something will triggered the idea. Could be friends talking, could be you have more time on your hands. Doesn't really matter but if you want to see change, you'll have to communicate it. Spontaneity can't be engineered by definition but you can certainly have a conversation about how to inject more fun and affection into the mix

I think lots of people have moments like this, when life feels a bit banal and hum-drum. Don't worry about whether it's "normal"; I mean, so what if it's just you being quirky, yearning for some mystery and beauty in daily life?

I'd tell him you want to be romanced and let him use his imagination. Warning: it might be considerably ruder than the scenario you outlined!

What you are feeling is called wistful. It is when we look back and reflect on our lives and think, What if !
I think in Middle Age you are beginning to realise how short life is and how quickly it flashes by and so you muse about what might have been.

As long as you are not truly unhappy with your life and you understand fantasy, I think musing is fine. No one can control your mind ( unless you let them ) and I have a fantastic inner life that amuses me.

If your DH isn't romantic now, then I don't think he will ever be. Mine isn't. You just have to work on appreciating what other lovely things he brings to your relationship.

My DH says, I love you because I do the oil change on your car! Mmmm

If you want a really meaty love story to read try ' For Love of Seven Dolls' by Paul Gallico. It gets me every time.

It may be that other things in your life have settled and you are having more head space to actually think of your relationship. Maybe need some excitement going that used to go with other things.

Why don't you start with the lovely gestures, or propose getaways and special dinners?
Maybe he will enjoy it and start taking the initiative too.

Whatever you do, don't rely on mind reading. If you'd like romantic gestures, be up front about it. If you think you should go out more, say so. If you fancy a weekend break, say so. If you'd like chocolates, say you'd like chocolates. My current squeeze knows I particularly love lilies and a particular brand of chocolate and brings both regularly. .... why? because I tell him a lot. :)