help.. separation n constant verbal abuse n control. when will it end

[dixi37]

Im at my wits end n have no one to turn too n just thought joining here may help me. Basically me and my husband split in october. We had been having problems for months n it gradually got worse. The controlling n mental abuse I didnt notice fot months cos I was so used to it. But he was locking me in house takin all money sleeping wit car key so I cudnt go anywhere. He attacked me bad in oct n I had him arrested but the police dropped it. I hav set up a new home wit my two girls. But he refuses to areange any set days n just turns up wen he feels like . My eldest 9 is affected badly but is such a daddys girl she has turned on me. I hav no conttol over her. The hatrasment n constant txts off him are beyond. Threatening all sorts. Im so down aboyt it all I really dont kmow how much more I can take. Ive seen a solicitor but waiting to see if entitled to legal aid as I cant afford to pay. Hes not given me a penny since he attacked me. Any advice or just someone to listen wud b helpful xx

Hiya, well this is classic domestic abuse.

The thing to do is....

Do not answer any of the calls or texts.
Do not let him into your home.
Text him saying that you want to arrange childcare thro the court. He must get the form from the court and you will go for the hearing. He fills in the form, gives it to the court and they then write to you.

Save any messages that he sends without responding to any of them. When you have a clear pattern, ring 101 and report him for harassment. They should at the least speak to him and advise him to stay away, or better yet charge him or caution him.

The secret is not to answer him. If he comes round, hide, don't let him in and then ring 999 and tell them that your violent ex is at the door.

Can you research DVD services in your area and make a call to them? You don't have to live like this and there are loads of options for you xxx

DV services that should say!

I'm going to suggest you contact the police DV unit and also Women's Aid. You're being subjected to harassment, threats and bullying still and that is part and parcel of domestic violence. It should not be happening and it has to be reported. Not least because it will affect your legal aid claim. X Your 9yo, I'm afraid, is just going to have to be annoyed. Your priority is your safety and security for now, not access to the children etc.

Yes agree with Cogito. You shouldn't have to deal with this alone. Get police and women's aid to help.

Your DD will come round.

You need to establish some boundaries on his behaviour towards you. He cannot turn up at your new home whenever he wants - do not answer the door and do not let him in. Ignore his texts tell him you will discuss the arrangements at mediation and no where else, commence divorce proceedings if you cant afford it; it is still possible to do it on your own there is a website called wikivorce who advise on he process. Don't put up with this behaviour any longer

Agree with pps, you need to report all the harassment and the threats to the police. Also report it to your GP, tell them how down and stressed you are feeling, request some CBT to help cope. I don't know if the CBT will help your emotional state, but it's important as it will help you get legal aid if your GP is aware of the abuse and you are receiving treatment for its effects.

You may be able to get a non-molestation order. To do so you need to report everything to police.